On the Loose: “Did you see that scary ad for the new movie ‘Hannibal’--the ‘Silence of the Lambs’ sequel? . . . The ad said, ‘He’s on the loose again.’ . . . So apparently, it’s one of those last-minute pardons by Bill Clinton again.” (Jay Leno)

Wild and Free: “Six convicts escaped [recently] from an Alabama prison by crawling under a 5,000-volt electric fence. What idiots. If they’d taken that fence with them, they could have sold electricity to California and retired to Switzerland.” (Argus Hamilton)

Hazardous Foods: “An 8-year-old boy in Arkansas has been suspended for pointing a breaded chicken finger at his teacher [and saying, ‘Pow, pow, pow’]. . . . Under the school district’s zero-tolerance policy, [the boy] had to be suspended. . . . In searching his backpack, police also found potentially dangerous tater-tots.” (Daily Scoop)


Playing Doctor: “According to a new survey, one out of three men would not go to a doctor if they had chest pains. . . . With women, it’s completely different. . . . When women have chest pains, two out of three men pretend to be doctors.” (Leno)


Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.