LAUGH LINES

Eat Up: In “ ‘Hannibal,’ [Anthony Hopkins’ character has] been living in Italy for the last 10 years and has become quite a ladies’ man, dating a lot of the women of Florence. I don’t want to give the film away, but I guess some of the women get suspicious when he would invite them over to his Jacuzzi and then he would throw in potatoes, onions, bell peppers.” (Jay Leno)

Voter’s Rights: “Because of President Clinton’s behavior just before he left the Oval Office--where he [took] everything in the White House and he started pardoning criminals--it looks like now the Republicans are yakking [about how] they can impeach Clinton again. But this time, it could be serious. This time, the Senate’s [got] Hillary’s vote.” (David Letterman)

Government Property: “President Bush was reportedly told to stop sending personal e-mails to his friends. All White House e-mail is property of the U.S. government. That means every single message ends up in the Clintons’ house in Chappaqua.” (Argus Hamilton)

Growing Pains: “An interview in Vanity Fair magazine [featured] Hugh Hefner. Hugh is now dating seven women. And as a 75-year-old millionaire, he’s at that awkward age--really too old to be a playboy, yet too young for Anna Nicole Smith.” (Leno)

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