At Least Dodger Fan Club Should Get a Big Increase

What a relief. Now that the Dodgers won’t have center fielder Johnny Damon as their leadoff man, the pressure is off the fans. They can continue to avoid traffic and arrive late without fear of missing anything, other than Tom Goodwin striking out to start off the home half of the first.

Of course, it will still be an exciting year for Dodger fans, the tension mounting as Goodwin goes after Bobby Bonds’ single-season strikeout mark of 189 set in 1970. By midseason the team’s new marketing campaign should be in place: “Don’t miss a single whiff.”

There’s genius in all this too, because team management has let it be known privately that it likes the idea of lower expectations--much like those that greeted the Angels last season before they drew raves for finishing with a worse record than the hyped Dodgers. The Dodgers now are banking on delirium in the stands on those rare occasions when Goodwin gets on base.

This also could become the Dodgers’ new Krispy Kreme promotion--every time Goodwin begins a game and doesn’t strike out, every fan in attendance is entitled to a box of doughnuts.

In those instances when Devon White starts in his place, instead of doughnuts, I’d advocate free admission for everyone.

*

COME ON, YOU have to be surprised by this turn of events. You probably had Damon pegged as the Dodgers’ center fielder, leadoff man and a reason to get pumped about a new season. You had to figure Dodger General Manager Kevin Malone had learned something about recruiting, what with all the time he has been putting in with UCLA and Coach Steve Lavin, and that the Sheriff would get his man.

The problem is, Malone was on vacation Monday when the A’s made their move on Damon. I’m sure he’ll be back in time for the Bruins’ next game.

*

MY ONLY QUESTION, now that Bill Parcells has declared he won’t coach again: Where will he coach next?

*

DICK VERMEIL SAID he was done with coaching and wanted to spend more time with his family. I guess anyone who has ever had the whole clan over for Thanksgiving understands why Vermeil wants to return to coaching.

*

A MINNESOTA NEWSPAPER columnist wrote that the only things standing between the Vikings and a Super Bowl victory are quarterbacks Kerry Collins, Rich Gannon and Trent Dilfer, while noting none of them will ever have his bust on display at the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

I might point out that the last time Minnesota went into an NFC championship game, with the chance to go to a Super Bowl, the Vikings were at home and had only to beat Chris Chandler, certified long ago as a stiff. And the stiff won.

*

IT’S NOT TRUE that there’s a sucker born every minute--that’s an exaggeration--because the population in Wisconsin does not grow at such a rapid rate.

Yes, the NFL loves these people because they believe their lives would be empty without the Packers. And that’s why the Packers are now getting away with charging fans an additional $1,400 for a personal seat license and the right to continue purchasing the same season tickets they have been buying all along.

And the Packers want the money now, although stadium renovations won’t be completed for two years, so they can use the $120 million in PSL funds on the $295-million project. I wouldn’t be surprised if the suckers are standing in line right now in the cold, waiting to give their money to the team.

*

THIS CAN BE a tough job because of the choices you must make.

Take Feb. 4. As I look at my calendar, the USC women’s basketball team will be playing at home about the same time as the Women of Wrestling’s “hair match” is going on at the Forum, with the losers from the group of “gorgeous starlet Lana Star, perky Patti Pizzazz, cold-hearted Ice Cold and venomous Poison” being forced to get their heads shaved.

Now if USC women’s basketball Coach Chris Gobrecht promises to get her head shaved if the Trojans lose that day--well, then I guess that will make the decision on which event to attend a little tougher. I said, “a little.”

*

THE LAKERS MEDITATED with Zen devotee George Mumford after losing by a zillion points to the Clippers. Thank Buddha they took the loss so seriously.

*

THERE WERE REPORTS Tuesday that had reporters scrambling because Kobe Bryant had some unsettling things to say about Phil Jackson and Shaquille O’Neal in a magazine story. It was only later that people relaxed, after learning they were about to appear in ESPN the Magazine, which is essentially unreadable.

For those who can decipher hieroglyphics, however, there also came word that Bryant’s remarks, suggesting he might be better off playing somewhere else, were outdated, although they won’t appear until the Jan. 22 issue.

*

THE HIRING OF Norv Turner to work as offensive coordinator for Mike Riley kind of makes the Chargers a working farm system for USC in the event it has to go looking for a new football coach any time soon.

Too bad they aren’t stockpiling athletic directors.

*

TODAY’S LAST WORD comes in an e-mail from Pete:

“I was told last night that Athletic Director Mike Garrett is married to Steven Sample’s daughter. Any truth to this rumor, which would explain how he keeps his job?”

I could call Steven and ask--if you’re in no hurry to get an answer.

*

T.J. Simers can be reached at his e-mail address:t.j.simers@latimes.com.