Lavin’s Boss Could Use Some Sensitivity Training

If it was going to be a Bruin fund-raiser--you know, $19.99 for each individually wrapped Peter Dalis sports management tape: “How I Pump Up My Employees Before A Big Game,” with proceeds going toward a Cadillac Escalade for everyone on the basketball team to keep up with USC--I don’t think it’s going to fly.

In fact, I’m wondering now if this guy was delivering pep talks to the UCLA football team’s defensive unit all season long--which would explain a lot.

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A DAY AFTER igniting a Rick Pitino firestorm and sending Steve Lavin to the grocery store looking for moving boxes, Dalis said, “I thought I was helping, but apparently I was not. It was probably a mistake . . . this thing had gotten out of control--there were even Internet reports we were negotiating a deal. I just wanted to set it straight.”

Well, of course this is why people always say children and Pete Dalis should be seen, but not heard.

And the thing is, this is the way they usually do business at UCLA: Dalis’ lips might move, but it is the school’s sports information department that actually does the talking. And while that can be frustrating for the media, it beats buying barrels of white-out every time Dalis does speak.

“I think I’m going to have to quit being honest with the media,” he said, and because he laughed, I think he was joking.

I read what he had to say Tuesday, and honestly, I wasn’t so sure at that time--what with all this farfetched stuff about him talking to Pitino twice but never mentioning the UCLA job, and this nonsense about not being straight with Lavin about talking to Pitino.

Now sometimes I’m accused of being too blunt and lacking tact, so I tried a different approach with Dalis. Instead of actually saying, “Liar, liar, pants on fire,” I only hummed it.

“I was absolutely wrong,” Dalis said, admitting now he should have told Lavin he had talked to Pitino. “To be honest, I figured whatever I said to him would be perceived differently than what really happened.”

And according to Dalis, standing on a stack of Bibles for this interview, nothing really happened.

“The [UCLA] job really didn’t come up,” he said, and no matter how many times I gave him one of those Andy Sipowicz guffaws, he didn’t change his testimony. “A mutual friend said that Rick really doesn’t know what he wants to do and maybe he might be a fit here if something comes up, and would I call.

“I asked Rick if he would ever be interested in getting back into college coaching, and what his future would be. He said he didn’t know, and never even indicated he was thinking about [quitting] in Boston.”

Now I know Dalis likes gossip as much as anyone else, but I don’t think he was trying to find out if Pitino was interested in returning to college coaching just to get the jump on “SportsCenter.”

We know why he called Pitino, but giving him the benefit of the doubt, he says it’s his job to do such homework as athletic director. “If I don’t talk to people, how do I learn about people? That’s how I came across Bob Toledo.”

I wanted to say, “If you’re so chatty, how come you’ve never come across a defensive coordinator,” but I wanted to know if he understood--that while his intentions might have been sound--he had made life miserable for Lavin.

“I’m sorry for that,” he said. “But that’s life--that’s just life.”

That’s just life--without a muzzle.

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ULTIMATEBID.COM IS OFFERING people with money the opportunity to have dinner with Joe Montana the night before the Super Bowl along with four tickets to the game or two tickets and a chance to watch the game in a luxury suite with supermodel Heidi Klum, or a free pass to spend a morning with Charlotte Sting star Dawn Staley while she does a magazine cover shoot.

I guess dinner with Montana would be all right, as long as you can carry the conversation. Somebody who goes with the handle “676Shaw” bid $18,600. Any chance that’s Ram President John Shaw accompanied by Georgia Frontiere? After all, they are going to have to buy tickets to be at this year’s game.

A bid of $6,100 won the right to spend time with Klum, and it came from someone who calls himself, “California Larry.” I’m guessing that’s our sports TV reporter Larry Stewart. We’ll know when he turns in his expense report.

The opening bid for the WNBA player is $1,500--if only someone will agree to make it. So far--hard to believe--there have been no takers.

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ROSE BOWL OFFICIALS say the cost for a BCS championship ticket to next year’s Jan. 3 game will increase from $125 to $150--a bargain to see Notre Dame.

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AFTER LEARNING HE has almost 100,000 more All-Star votes than Kobe Bryant, why do I think Shaquille O’Neal’s response was: “Nah-na, na-nah-na.”

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WHEN I SUGGESTED that suckers were born in Wisconsin, I failed to mention that most of them eventually retire and move to Arizona.

Arizona citizens, who recently voted to increase taxes to build a new stadium for Cardinal owner Bill Bidwill, who has led his team to one playoff victory since 1947, are now being told they will have to pay $5 more for a ticket to see the 3-13 team play in the old stadium.

The Cardinals averaged 48,434 fans a game this season--a 16.7% decline from 1999. Apparently the migration from Wisconsin is slowing a bit.

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NEW LION FRONT-OFFICE boss Matt Millen has already earned his $15 million--he’s the first person to get Barry Sanders to come to the phone.

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TODAY’S LAST WORD comes in a press release from Kit Lisle:

“Women’s fast pitch softball could become the next national pastime--any editorial comment or mention that you may give this press release would be greatly appreciated.”

Of course. The game is duller than WNBA basketball, has less scoring than hockey and has about as much chance of becoming the national pastime as curling. But, please, keep those releases coming.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at his e-mail address: t.j.simers@latimes.com.