LAUGH LINES

Clinton Values: “When they swore [Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton] in, she used the Clinton family Bible--the one with only seven commandments.” (David Letterman)

Full On: “Al Gore said when he leaves Washington, he will leave full of love, full of appreciation, and full of hope. How many people think he’s full of it?” (Jay Leno)

He’s a Doll: “An action figure of ‘Survivor’s’ Rudy Boesch will hit the stores soon. There are also plans for a Richard Hatch figure. That one will be cheaper because you don’t have to buy any clothes for it.” (Paul Steinberg)

Spiritual Speed: “The Catholic Church has an Internet site to recruit new members. They provide messages, information and online confession. If you have DSL, you can be forgiven 50 times faster than regular sinners.” (Ray Martinez)

Not Too Bright: “With the George Bush presidency, you got a thousand points of light. With the George W. Bush presidency, you get one dim bulb--George W. Bush.” (Linda M. Manning)

Role Model: President Clinton “visited the panda house at the National Zoo. Actually, he was asked by zoo officials to visit the house. Apparently, they’re having trouble getting the pandas to mate.” (Leno)

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