Adoption Experts Ease the Way

Deciding to have a child is an important decision between two people; adopting adds several more adults to the process. Foundations of trust often have to be built with the birth mother and sometimes the father, not to mention social workers, adoption agencies, lawyers or facilitators. Patience and professional help can make all the difference.

It can be a mistake to assume that going through a lawyer or an agency is inherently more expensive. Agencies must meet legal standards, though they vary among the 50 states. Adoption lawyers are guided by fee structures and professional ethics.

Using a facilitator, as San Bernardino couple Richard and Vickie Allen did, adds intangible risks that prospective parents should study beforehand. There are no doubt many good facilitators who bring adoptive couples and single adults together with birth parents. But, unlike in some states, it is an unlicensed, unregulated profession in California. That leaves fewer options should things go awry.

That happened to the Allens, who believed the hard part was over after bringing home twin infants from their birth mother through the facilitator. Suddenly, the babies were taken back and given to a couple in Britain who were apparently able to pay much more money. The $8,500 the Allens, who have one adopted child, agreed to pay the facilitator should have been enough to go through an agency or an adoption attorney, though it might have taken longer. The facilitator conducted business on the Internet from her San Diego home.

Now, the Allens find themselves in an international mess. The British couple is adamant, the facilitator has closed her Web site, and the birth mother says she wants her babies back.

Couples can be disappointed even by carefully screened birth mothers who change their minds and by the hurdles of state laws. Those are inherent risks, but they are minimized in the hands of licensed and regulated pros who get through the adoption process with a minimum of unexpected drama.