Watch Out for That Big Vacuum Cleaner Attachment, It Might Be Lethal

Crime sweep: Cornered by sheriff’s deputies, a burglary suspect in a Palmdale-area residence allegedly stuck what appeared to be a large-caliber weapon out a closet door and threatened to start shooting. The deputies backed away and awaited the arrival of crisis negotiators.

The standoff ended peacefully--and weirdly. The sheriff’s publication Star News noted that the event sparked a bit of wry humor in the watch commander’s log: “No force, less lethal weapons, or household appliances were utilized.”

The weapon turned out to be a vacuum cleaner attachment.

For Guilty Husbands: An Orange County jeweler advertising in Star News appealed to the law enforcement readership this way:

911

For men in trouble

Guide to Adventurous Dining: Hi, my name is Steve and I’ll be your server. Today’s specials include:

* The product of a strange experiment (see accompanying) involving domestic and wild animals (Sergio Olguin of Palm Springs).

* A bit of bird (see accompanying) on the barbie (Sara Meric of Santa Monica).

* A packet from the UCLA Medical Center (see accompanying) assuring patients of the purity of the pepper (Phil Proctor of Beverly Hills).

* And, finally, a “made-fresh-daily” claim from a company (see accompanying) that made me think it referred to onion rings, not diamond rings (Fred Stone of Bakersfield).

Punny: Arriving at Edison Field in Anaheim, I saw a license plate frame that said: “San Dimas: Best City by a Dam Site.”

The reference is to Puddingstone Reservoir. That’s one of the better geographical puns I’ve heard, ranking up there with “San Gabriel: City with a Mission” and down there with “Calipatria: Lowest-Down City in the Western Hemisphere.” The latter is 184 feet below sea level in Imperial County.

Stupid Bicyclist Tricks: Linda Whelan of Oceanside hopes that any cell-phone ban instituted against drivers will also include pedalers.

In Carlsbad, she said, she saw “a bicyclist in full racing regalia ride into the left hand turn lane for autos.

“While waiting for the green light, his cell phone rang and he began a conversation. When the light turned green, he held the cell phone in his right hand along with his right handlebar and made the left turn. As we passed him in the bike lane, he was riding his bike steering with his left hand and continuing his phone conversation with his right hand.”

Not everything is bigger in Texas: Dan Fink of L.A. heard from his cousin, Nancy Fischer of Houston, who sent along a clipping of an ad placed by a California job recruiter.

“Houston-area teachers,” it began. “Bring your teaching degree to L.A. You’ll get better pay. A better lifestyle.”

Fischer, echoing critics of then-Gov. George W. Bush’s educational record in Texas, said: “Now you want our teachers? Are you sure? Haven’t you seen the test scores?”

It’s one thing for outsiders to make fun of L.A. but . . . : David Green saw this headline in the L.A. Daily News:

“L.A. denser than N.Y.”

miscelLAny

Leaving work Monday, I was solicited by the first panhandler I’ve ever encountered with a British accent here. Ah, multicultural L.A.!

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at

steve.harvey@latimes.com.