The Rest Can Check Their Egos at Bathroom Door

For those of you stumped over where to go this weekend, my correspondents have brought news of some curious spots (see accompanying), including:

* A stuffy amusement park featured in a credit union ad--"perhaps a resort for studio execs," guessed Glen Banks of Long Beach.

* A company that's either opening or going out of business, or maybe both (John and Rhoda Laubacher of Palm Desert).

* And, finally, a craft shop's attraction that has some of the same qualities as Disney's California Adventure, commented Mark Scott of Long Beach. He added, "But I think I'd avoid any water-themed rides."

I suspect the circled word in the last ad was supposed to be "craft room."

Unresponsive clerks can be so frustrating: In the Argonaut newspaper, Robin Herdan spotted a police log item about a suspect who entered a Westside business, "simulated a handgun and demanded that he be taken to a safe and that the safe be opened."

"An employee responded, 'I can't take you, I'm too busy.' The suspect then ordered the employee to go outside with the suspect, but the employee replied, 'No, I can't. I have too many customers.' "

The result?

"The suspect left," the Argonaut said, "without taking anything."

Dodger Stadium decoder: Some fans occupy spare moments at Chavez Ravine whacking a beach ball or trying to get their seatmates to do the wave. Season-ticket holder Michael Horowicz attempts to decipher the significance of the tunes chosen by organist Nancy Bea Hefley.

There was the time Hefley was playing the theme from "M*A*S*H." Horowicz noticed that Los Angeles Fire Department helicopters "fighting a brush fire were taking off and landing at their water station behind center field."

Last year, Hefley played "Scarborough Fair" as a pitcher named Kurt Schilling took the mound. "That one was tough to figure out," Horowicz said. "The connection was the line, 'Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme.' Schilling. Spices. Get it?"

A real puzzler this year occurred when Hefley played the theme song from TV's "Dallas" at a Braves game. Said Horowicz: "But the Braves are from Atlanta. I finally figured it out when I saw who was pitching--Odalis Perez."

Not that you asked, but . . . A couple of new vanity plate sightings--H8MYEX, seen by John Stein of Pacific Palisades, and H8XNLWS, seen by Barbara Rosenstein of Cheviot Hills--are reminders that California drivers revel in advertising their pet peeves.

And they have so many, besides ex-spouses and ex-in-laws. Here are a few on the DMV Web site at http://http://plates.ca.gov.:

IH8USC

IH8UCLA

IH8I405

IH8LA

IH8DGRS

IH8BMW

IH8SUVS

And, perhaps, most bitter of all:

IH8PEAS.

miscelLAny: One driver has a plate that may be an answer to one of the H8ers above. It says IH8UTOO.

And another driver has a reply to all of the above--a plate that says IH8PLTS.

*

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.

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