So I'm reading a story in my morning newspaper about this high-powered Disney muckety-muck who now oversees the Mighty Ducks and who declares, "There isn't this magic wand you can wave."
I checked with Disneyland officials, who sell magic wands for $7.42 in the theme park, and if a high-powered Disney muckety-muck doesn't even know that, how can anyone expect him to fix what's wrong with the Angels and Ducks?
Now if he's suggesting those magic wands that Disney sells to little kids for $7.42 are garbage, that's something else.
I called Disney again, was directed to publicist Michelle Nachum and asked what this says about the Fairy Godmother and the work she supposedly did with her magic wand.
I was told that Disneyland does not recognize the Fairy Godmother and does not have a character walking around to look like the Fairy Godmother, and I had the feeling from the tone in her voice that she was sitting there with a magic wand in her hand, waving it furiously in the hope I would disappear.
I GUESS we have to take into consideration this high-powered Disney muckety-muck was speaking from his office in Burbank, the one with Dopey and his friends adorning the roof.
But if you take away the magic wand, I'm telling you, you might as well let the ice melt. I've met Mighty Duck General Manager Pierre Gauthier.
I believe I've also met Angel General Manager Bill Stoneman, but I can't be sure, and I'm not about to ask him to slip into a glass slipper.
The thing is, I'd like to think there is a magic wand because then we could throw away Tim Salmon's bats and give him a chance to hit the ball.
"Mickey Mouse has the wand," Angel shortstop David Eckstein told me.
Of course he does, David.
ALTHOUGH IT'S a small, small world, apparently the high-powered Disney muckety-muck has never met Eckstein. I think it's pretty obvious that somewhere along the way while growing up in Orlando near Disney World, visiting Disneyland and, as he says, watching the Disney channel, the little Munchkin was touched by Mickey with the wand, which explains why he's hitting above .300.
So maybe it's time for the high-powered Disney muckety-muck to get real and have the Angels and Ducks come together and sing, "Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo," just in case there really is a Fairy Godmother out there who can make something magical out of crud.
LIKE YOU, when I first read Dodger Manager Jim Tracy's quote to explain why Eric Karros wasn't playing Sunday, I read it as "Karros is a stiff."
But fortunately I read it again more closely and discovered he said, "Karros is stiff," explaining he has a sore back.
THE MEDIA were invited to lunch Monday to ask the Clippers questions about the draft and to hear General Manager Elgin Baylor repeatedly say, "I don't know."
Coach Alvin Gentry, meanwhile, made it clear the Clippers intend to "add talent" to the team and then just as quickly noted "there's no scientific way to tell if you're right or wrong when it comes to judging talent."
Which explains Michael Olowokandi.
SOMEONE SUGGESTED that the Chicago Bulls' Elton Brand has been mentioned in trade talks related to the Clippers, and no one denied it.
I would have asked Baylor, but you know what he would have said.
THE WASHINGTON WIZARDS look as if they're going to select Kwame Brown with the first pick, which would allow the Clippers to select an eventual replacement for Olowokandi in Eddy Curry from Thornwood (Ill.) High.
Schaumburg beat Curry's high school team by a dozen points in the Illinois Class AA state championship game, making me wonder why the Clippers aren't drafting someone from Schaumburg.
I dated a girl from Schaumburg once--that's the way she wanted it.
AFTER THE Sparks' third consecutive loss, Coach Michael Cooper was too distraught to address the media.
I didn't know the media covered their games.
A HUGE possum, apparently tired like everyone else of the Rally Monkey routine, had the fans screaming and jumping up on their seats behind home plate Monday night at Edison Field.
For those who have dinner reservations tonight, the possum was chased into the Diamond Club and was not seen again.
NOW THAT Martina Hingis has been eliminated, the suspense is killing me. Will it be Serena or Venus Williams who wins Wimbledon? It would help if Richard Williams told us who he has picked.
I FIRST noticed it in the grocery store--a different Laker on several copies of TV Guide, although it was the same issue of TV Guide.
Then I read about major league baseball's plan to have multiple cover designs for this year's All-Star program, and it all became clear. There will be five different covers for the same program--advertised as a collector's collection--so baseball can sell the same program five times over.
DODGER PITCHER Darren Dreifort has stopped talking to the media.
I'm sure he's still in constant contact with his accountant, however.
THE DODGERS gave guaranteed money to Carlos Perez ($7.5 million), F.P. Santangelo ($850,000) and Gregg Olson ($1.75)--like that's a big deal.
I gave my wife credit cards.
TODAY'S LAST WORD comes in an e-mail from Burt:
"Your wife has to be a saint."
Are you sure she can't be Salma Hayek.