Watch Out: ‘See Spot Run’ Has Been Unleashed

“See Spot Run” is one of those movies that makes you put your head in your hands and mourn the death of popular culture. It’s so gosh-darned eager to please, so absolutely sure that it’s being clever that you’d pity its creators if you weren’t so anxious for it to be over after the first half-hour.

Let me put it another way: Who in sanity’s name decided that what the world needed more than anything else was a gross-out comedy that the whole family could enjoy? Assuming such a feat could even be realized, one would need the graceful balance of a tightrope walker to carry it out. And given the crowd of people it apparently took to get this thing moving, grace and balance may have been out of the question.

Whatever. Maybe at the start, “Spot” sounded like a good idea to somebody. Who doesn’t love dogs, right? And who doesn’t love goofy slobs whose idea of home cooking is pouring milk on Froot Loops? Or small children with single moms in tight skirts? And let’s not forget those oh-so-lovable louts of the mob! The whole thing reeks of grand demographic grasping.

David Arquette does the idiot dance as well as anyone in Hollywood, and the best thing one can say about his performance as Gordon the mailman is that he doesn’t hurt his chances to shine in something better. His character shows his smarts only in the elaborate methods he deploys against the snarling dogs on his daily route.

Then, through a series of mishaps too contrived to mention, Gordon meets his match, indeed his superior, in Agent 11, a veteran FBI bloodhound marked for termination by a crime boss (Paul Sorvino) who’s been nipped too many times--and in too many soft places--by the same dog.

On the run from two bumbling hit men (Joe Viterelli and Steven R. Shirripa), Agent 11 slides into the back of Gordon’s mail truck, where he’s immediately adopted by 6-year-old James (Angus T. Jones), whom Gordon is caring for while the boy’s mom (Leslie Bibb) is on the business trip from Hades.

Slapstick, sap and shtick can be found in thick, fatty deposits all over the movie’s landscape, along with far less savory substances. The gags, almost all of which involve the passage of gases and liquids, move at a fast-enough clip to keep you awake throughout. For which this review expresses a sorrow as profound as the sympathy it feels for all the actors, especially Michael Clarke Duncan (condemned to gruff simpering) as the dog’s trainer.

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* MPAA rating: PG, for crude humor, language and comic violence. Times guidelines: more vulgarity than you might expect.

‘See Spot Run’

David Arquette: Gordon Smith

Michael Clarke Duncan: Agent Murdoch

Leslie Bibb: Stephanie

Angus T. Jones: James

Joe Viterelli: Gino Valente

Paul Sorvino: Sonny Talia

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Warner Bros. presents, in association with Village Roadshow Pictures and NPV Entertainment, a Robert Simonds production, released by Warner Bros. Director John Whitesell. Producers Robert Simonds, Tracey Trench, Andrew Deane. Executive producers Michael Miller, Bruce Berman. Screenplay by George Gallo and Dan Baron & Chris Faber, from a story by Stuart Gibbs & Craig Titley and George Gallo. Cinematographer John Bartley. Editor Cara Silverman. Costume designer Diane Widas. Music John Debney. Production designer Mark Freeborn. Art director Catherine Ircha. Set decorator Mark Lane. Running time: 1 hour, 34 minutes.