LAUGH LINES

Moving On: “It seems one of Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends has left him. A spokesman said, ‘She left Hugh to focus on her acting career.’ I thought pretending that to enjoy sex with a 74-year-old guy was her acting career!” (Jay Leno)

Got Milk?: “Another ex-’Survivor’ is milking her 15 minutes of fame. Gretchen Cordy has landed a deal with Quaker Oats, plugging the breakfast food as an essential part of a survival kit. Try the newest Quaker Oats flavor: toasted rat.” (Daily Scoop)

All Aboard: “The race is on to perfect a new type of hypersonic airplane that will carry passengers at speeds up to 5,000 mph. At that speed, the trip from Sydney, Australia, to Los Angeles would take just one hour. And that’s not even long enough to work up a good case of air rage.” (Ira Lawson)

Guest Appearance: “Darva Conger and Rick Rockwell . . . of ‘Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?’ appeared . . . on ‘Larry King Live.’ . . . Some people thought it was odd for the two to appear on [the show], but actually it’s a perfect fit. ‘Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?’ is Larry King’s favorite pickup line.” (Mark Wheeler)

Junk Food: “Why doesn’t Hannibal eat Californians? Too many artificial ingredients.” (Leno)

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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.