Kings Were a Pest He Could Live Without

Bernie Lincicome of the Rocky Mountain News was annoyed (again) that the Kings extended the Colorado Avalanche to an NHL series-deciding game before the Avalanche finally prevailed, 5-1.

“Here is all we need to know about the Avs. They should not be playing a Game 7 against the seventh seed. They should not be scratching and soul-searching to get out of the second round.

“Nothing against the Los Angeles Kings, a gritty bunch of grunts whose skate blades might be made of old horseshoes. But all the Avs needed to dismiss this lot was a fly swatter and an open window.”

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Trivia time: What were the ring names for these boxing champions--Rocco Barbella, Arnold Raymond Cream and Sidney Walker?

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Skeptical: Tom Sorenson of the Charlotte (N.C.) Observer, on the controversy surrounding NASCAR’s investigation of Dale Earnhardt’s death: “NASCAR rules have always been flexible. You hope the facts aren’t too.”

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Free at last: Chuck Culpepper of the Oregonian writes that the underachieving Portland Trail Blazers did Coach Mike Dunleavy a favor in firing him from a thankless job:

“Put it this way: It does not rate among the world’s greatest indignities. It’s like being voted off ‘Survivor.’ . . . Along the spectrum from unkindness to favor, it tilts more toward the latter.”

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Bumbling: Brian Meehan of the Oregonian on Trail Blazer owner Paul Allen and General Manager Bob Whitsitt’s ill-fated personnel decisions.

“They ignored the principles that have guided champions since track and field days in ancient Greece. Instead, they made like knuckleheads in the next cubicle at work who experiment in the Rotisserie league.”

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Not even dessert? ESPN.com asked Boston Red Sox ace Pedro Martinez what he would eat for his “last meal on Earth.”

He answered: “I’m not a big eater. I don’t like to eat. I wish you could just give me a pill that I could take and never have to eat again.”

He reportedly filmed a commercial Thursday for McDonald’s.

Comment from Tom FitzGerald of the San Francisco Chronicle: “Maybe he’s endorsing the napkins.”

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Profitable relationship: New York Yankee outfielder Paul O’Neill, after meeting Secretary of the Treasury Paul O’Neill:

“He came over to me and said he didn’t have a problem getting a reservation in New York any more. I asked him when my name is going to be on the money. He said real soon.”

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Trade off: The U.S. Postal Service is giving $25 million over three years to Lance Armstrong’s professional cycling team. Says Michael Ventre of MSNBC.com: “Of course, the cyclists will now be responsible for making Saturday deliveries.”

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You sumo? In an effort to become an Olympic sport, sumo wrestling has opened its ranks to women. One problem, Sid Hoare, president of the British Sumo Assn., told the BBC is, “It’s difficult to get women doing sumo. You can’t get up to a woman and say, ‘Hey, I think you’d be good at sumo.’ ”

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Trivia answer: Rocky Graziano, Jersey Joe Walcott and Beau Jack.

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And finally: Tiger Woods, commenting on winning four consecutive major championships:

“I’m just five years into my career. In golf terms, I’m just getting started. I’m still in my infancy. I have so many possible years I can play at a high level.

“When I’m older, and look back in hindsight, [the Tiger Slam] may be the end or the beginning. But when I’m right here in it, right now, I just like where I’m at.”