Even Before It Gets Started, This Series Looks Unbelievable

Good thing I’ve been in the biz long enough to know not to take anything I read seriously . . . especially in the sports section in the days leading up to a big event.

This was a particularly handy lesson this week. If you believed everything you read about the Lakers and Spurs, you would have concluded that:

* David Robinson is mean.

What kind of unfeeling wretch scribbles his name hurriedly for a starry-eyed teen, especially one who goes 6 feet 11, 260 pounds and is bound to show up on his doorstep one day?

The autograph incident was recalled so often this week--although Robinson says he doesn’t remember it--it now ranks as a historic moment, like George Washington chopping down the cherry tree.

Robinson must be wracked by remorse, even if unconsciously, as he represses the memory of his boorish behavior, because he has become an extremely nice guy who gives $5-million gifts to establish schools in poor neighborhoods.

“Who does David fuel a rift with?” Sean Elliott said. “Maybe the devil.”

* Shaquille O’Neal is too smart to belittle his strongest rivals.

On the days he talked last week after his latest cruel disappointment, Shaq managed to accentuate the positive, saying only nice things about the Spurs, who are apparently one of the great teams in NBA history, as well as 12 of the men he respects most in the world.

Of course, the snow job would have worked better if he hadn’t called them “a WNBA team” on David Letterman’s show, which airs in San Antonio, where he used to live, as well as Bel-Air, where he lives now.

Then there’s his book, “Shaq Talks Back,” which could have been subtitled “Mostly About David Robinson,” published, in another masterpiece of timing, this spring.

Note to Shaq: The next time we decide to get a few things off our chest about guys we play against, how about we wait until we retire?

* Phil Jackson is too shrewd to belittle his strongest rivals.

Last spring’s “asterisk season” comment? Jackson didn’t mean anything by it, he insisted all week.

This wasn’t an unusual development in Lakerdom. The week before, Phil was explaining his “goofy guys” gibe at the Kings.

The week before that, it was his old “semi-civilized” gibe at Sacramento fans.

In a mark of respect, Jackson didn’t zing Texas or Spur fans all week. In another, he complained that the Spurs play an illegal zone defense, a referee-alerting ploy he didn’t even bother with in the first two rounds.

Of course, if the Lakers get one of the first two in San Antonio, you Spur fans had better be on your best behavior because it’ll be open season on y’all.

* The Spurs couldn’t care less what Phil says.

When Jackson made the “asterisk” comment, Coach Gregg Popovich, who’s more old school about zinging opponents, reacted as if he’d been poked by a sharp stick.

“Why would Phil say that?” Popovich asked.

Because he’s Phil, that’s why.

* The Spurs are too classy to fire back at Phil or Shaq.

That’s what they said all week, anyway.

“We’ve tried to respect our opponents, their players and their coaching staffs,” point guard Avery Johnson said. “We don’t take anything from anybody and we don’t take anything for granted around here. We don’t take ourselves too seriously.”

Perhaps coincidentally, Popovich told them the first one who said a discouraging word about the Lakers would have the air-conditioner taken out of his car, making him a longshot to ever see his family again.

For what it’s worth, even if most of the Spurs’ players are from big cities, they have gotten used to their small-town ambience and don’t enjoy controversy and media scrums.

The Lakers, on the other hand, are controversy-hardened and if they ever run out, they have Phil to fire up a new one.

* Derek Anderson, who separated a shoulder in the last series, is out for the duration.

Popovich, asked if he had any hope of getting him back this series, reacted as if he’d been poked with a sharp stick again.

“Three to six weeks pretty much puts him out of this series,” Popovich said. “[Last] Monday was one week. No matter how this series goes, I think the three-week period puts this one out of sight.

“Now, if something miraculous happens in the next week or so, that’s great. But it’s not something we’re planning on.”

Of course, there’s a tradition as old as the playoffs of insisting anyone with any injury, from a broken leg to a paper cut, is out.

There’s another tradition of opponents not believing it unless they actually attend the funeral. Even then, they would want to hold a mirror under the player’s nose to see if he was really breathing.

Actually, insiders expect Anderson back, noting Popovich’s math is off. Anderson was hurt May 5, so three weeks takes them to May 26, the day before Game 4.

Anderson is already back to shooting and running in this, his second week off, and says he’s very encouraged.

In other words, expect a miracle.

* All of us scribes making predictions have a clue who’s going to win.

Why do you think we’re working for a living?

This one is hard to call. The Lakers may be a tad better. However, the Spurs are one of the few teams with the size and savvy to contain O’Neal. Shaq will be Shaq, but he isn’t likely to post any 40-20s.

Home-court advantage counts for a lot because this 2-2-1-1-1 format puts the pivotal Games 5 and 7 in the Alamodome.

Of course, I also expect each team to win on the road in this series.

We’ll call it Lakers, 4-2. But if they lose a game, and Kobe Bryant takes a lot of shots, and Shaq utters one peep about playing smarter, we’ll make it Spurs, 4-3, instead.