Resolved: They’re Agreed They’ll Be Disagreeable

In Paris in the ‘70s, the peace talks over the Vietnam War couldn’t begin until after the long and curious debate was settled over what shape the table would be.

In California in the ‘00s, the debate over debates is upon us.

Let the haggling commence: Secretary of State Bill Jones and former L.A. Mayor Richard Riordan began negotiating via press release on the same day last week. Riordan proposed two debates among the three men at the top of the GOP primary ticket: one Jan. 15 and one Feb. 15.

In poker terms, Jones then saw Riordan’s two debates and raised him four.

“I am pleased,” he responded, “that you and your campaign staff have apparently agreed to debate the important issues facing Californians. Regrettably, you and your campaign have canceled numerous previously scheduled debates. . . . While two debates would help to educate the public, I believe that number is not sufficient.”

Jones wants all three men--himself, Riordan and candidate Bill Simon Jr.--showing up for six debates, from San Diego north to the part of California that wants to call itself “Upstate.”

Footnote, under “limos passing in the night”: Davis was at the Beverly Hills Hotel one night last week, speaking at 7:50 p.m. to the Woodrow Wilson Awards dinner, and then dashing off to the south-of-Sunset side of BH to speak to the Brotherhood Crusade’s awards dinner at 8:30 p.m.

Davis won the Wilson award for public service last year. This year’s winner: Richard Riordan, who remarked, “I understand why Gov. Davis had to leave early tonight. These young guys--they need extra sleep.” Garry South, Davis’ senior political advisor, has already lambasted Riordan as an “out-of-work ex-mayor who is a lazy, undisciplined, unfocused, disorganized, off-message candidate who has never run in or won a statewide race.”

And the general election is still 50 weeks away.

‘Seinfeld’ Meets C-SPAN in Sitcom About . . . What?

It’s now, it’s hip, it’s hot, it’s . . . Congress.

For some years, veteran Martinez Rep. George Miller has rented out space in his D.C. townhouse to some fellow Democrats, and some of them--New York’s Charles Schumer and Illinois’ Dick Durbin--have graduated to the glory of the U.S. Senate while staying in residence chez Miller, and one former roommate, Californian Leon Panetta, left the townhouse for the White House to be President Clinton’s chief of staff.

Four Capitol Hill guys, two bedrooms, two bathrooms--no surprise, Hollywood has come sniffing around for material. Humorist Al Franken, whose 1996 book “Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot” was a big fat bestseller, is at work on a sitcom about the foursome, who spend their weeks on the Hill and their weekends at home.

Naturally, TV won’t confine itself to realities--Franken may have to have a female member of Congress move in, for example--but the real thing can be promising, like the foursome shopping at Costco for the barrels of pretzels and extra-large boxes of soy burgers.

Franken has met with the four, who won’t be signing contracts or getting any dough from any deal, not even residuals, if it comes to that. When someone suggested to Miller that Gene Hackman might play him, the 55-year-old Miller said that’d be nice but really, it requires someone younger . . . just not as young as TV demographics dictate. As Miller observed, the Constitution, unlike TV programmers, sets a member of Congress’ minimum age at 25.

2 Legs Good, 4 Legs Better in Political Races

OK, so he’s got a rap sheet--misdemeanor possession of a ferret--but that won’t keep him out of the running. Pat Wright wants to be your lieutenant governor. The San Diego Libertarian launched his campaign last week at a San Diego “do” with drinks (no-host) and ferret races (BYOF).

The founder of Ferrets Anonymous saw his labors come to naught in September when a law giving amnesty to pet ferrets already in California--a bill that had passed in the Senate--failed in the Assembly. As many as half a million pet ferrets may be living under the radar in California, less one: Rocky, Wright’s pet, who was executed nearly four years ago after biting a TV cameraman at a pro-ferret rally. Of the 50 states, only California and Hawaii prohibit pet ferrets.

Solidarity Forever--Just Not From You and You

Redistricting has given Huntington Beach’s GOP Rep. Dana Rohrabacher a somewhat different turf to run for reelection, which might explain his recent “fellow Republicans” letter signed by six fellow Orange County legislators.

There were hints that Steve Kuykendall, a Republican who lost his South Bay-area seat in Congress to Democrat Jane Harman last year, was looking down the coast at Rohrabacher’s redesigned district, now called the 46th, which would explain why Rohrabacher was circling his wagons. Late last week, Kuykendall waved a white flag and said he wouldn’t take on Rohrabacher after all.

Still, more telling than the letter itself were those among the chummy Orange County GOP lawmakers’ club whose names didn’t appear on it: Assemblywoman Patricia Bates, who opposes turning the former El Toro Marine base into an airport as vigorously as Rohrabacher supports it . . . and Tom Harman, a moderate who wouldn’t agree with Rohrabacher on where to go for lunch.

Quick Hits

* The newly drawn 21st Congressional District seat in Fresno and Tulare counties has drawn Jim Patterson, the former mayor of Fresno, into running in the Republican primary against Clovis Assemblyman Mike Briggs and Tulare dairy farmer Devin Nunes.

* In a press release (one that capitalized “Mercury” as if it were the Roman god of commerce, travel and thievery instead of the 80th element on the periodic chart), L.A. Democratic Rep. Diane Watson announced she is introducing a bill to phase out mercury in dental fillings and to warn consumers of its risks.

* Philippine President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo was met by a crowd of about 1,200 Filipino American supporters (and about 70 protesters) in Burlingame last week on her first visit to the United States since taking office in January.

* Riordan flew home from Sacramento aboard the same Cessna that crashed five days later in Santa Monica, killing two people, including its owner-pilot, graphic designer Richard Runyon, who was also in the cockpit when Riordan was aboard.

Word Perfect

“Women won’t vote for someone who’s thinner than they are.”

--Democratic epigrammatist Susan Estrich, speaking of Gray Davis; Estrich managed the presidential campaign of Michael Dukakis.

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Patt Morrison’s column appears Mondays and Wednesdays. Her e-mail address is patt.morrison@latimes.com. This week’s contributors include Mark Z. Barabak and Jean O. Pasco.