Steer Clear of That BMW-Driving Gang of Heck’s Angels on the Waterfront

‘Newport Beach police alerted Laguna Beach police that a caravan of 10 to 60 BMWs was heading into town,” the police log of the Laguna News-Post reported. “Under surveillance of a police helicopter, Newport Beach police observed the motorists driving recklessly and taking photographs of each other. The cars never surfaced in Laguna.”

Some towns have been terrified by motorcycle gangs. I guess the equivalent for Laguna and Newport is a BMW gang.

Do Not Pass Go: Speculation has it that a new San Fernando Valley city might have to pay L.A. as much as $76 million yearly in “alimony” to make up for L.A.’s lost revenue. Funny, just a couple of years ago when the Monopoly-style board game “Los Angeles in a Box” was introduced, the Valley could be had for almost $76 million less (see accompanying).

Speaking of real estate: My colleague Bob Browning noticed an Internet listing by a Big Bear agent who might have been more careful about choosing his adjectives, given the current climate. And Phil Wickey came upon an ad for a house whose ceilings seem to be shaky (see accompanying).

Talk about an eye-catching football uniform: I attended the USC-UCLA game, which was something of a bore, inasmuch as the Trojans won, 27-0. The most exciting run on the field, in fact, may have been the one made by an unscheduled visitor who was clad in nothing but white underpants, shoes and socks.

He made it as far as the Coliseum end zone, where he was tackled by a guard (UCLA could have used this guard, but that’s another matter). As the suspect was being led away, a man sitting close to me commented, “That would really be embarrassing.”

Responded his date: “I’ll say--imagine being caught wearing white socks and black shoes.”

A real dressing-down: Perhaps the Coliseum intruder hadn’t taken it all off because he wanted to avoid the kind of reception a streaker received at the 1974 Oscars show. After that naked guy sprinted across the stage, actor David Niven, who was about to present an award, commented that the surprise guest had revealed “his shortcomings.”

Nom de jalopies (cont.): “I’ve enjoyed your recent gibes at automobile manufacturers who assign odd names to their vehicles,” wrote Dennis Kerr of La Crescenta. “Have you also considered the way these manufacturers go about advertising their automobiles? For example, who would want to own a Chevy truck that’s ‘like a rock!’? Personally, I want a truck that’s a little more mobile than a rock.”

Return to square one: A taxi driver shooing a customer out of his car outside a Long Beach saloon explained: “Well, if you don’t know where you live, I have to take you back to the bar.”

Regis Philbin would have let him use one of his lifelines.

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miscelLAny:

A Blockbuster store in the San Fernando Valley received a note from a woman demanding to be reimbursed for her rental of the movie “Hannibal.” There were two curious things about the letter. First, the woman had rented the movie from a rival of Blockbuster. Second, she said it was her right as a “costumer” to request a reimbursement.

If she’s in that profession, perhaps it was Hannibal Lecter’s outfit she found so objectionable.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.