USC’s Garrett, Carroll Shouldn’t Be Camera Shy

I think it’s pretty clear what has happened to USC.

Ever since Athletic Director Mike Garrett and Coach Pete Carroll ran scared, refusing to take questions on the SIMERS & plaschke Sunday night TV show, the Trojans have gone 0-3. Take note, Phil Jackson.

Carroll disagrees, of course. He blames the Trojans’ wretched play on the crummy players he inherited, telling Orange County Register columnist Steve Bisheff after USC’s latest pratfall, “We can’t do anything about that right now. I got the guys I got. Right now, that’s not good enough.”

I can relate--I have plaschke and Todd Donoho as TV sidekicks--and frankly, that’s not good enough, but you don’t hear me blaming the poor ratings on them. Imagine what I could do with Lisa Guerrero if she was available.

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OFFICIALS IN Indianapolis were still checking to determine if four weeks was an NCAA record for a new Division I-A football coach blaming his own misfortune on the players left behind by the previous coach.

As far as inspiring the Trojans, I put Carroll right up there with Dwyre, who was quoted recently as saying, “Jim Murray was the best sports writer to ever live, and as far as second place goes, no one on this staff even comes close.”

You can imagine how fired up everyone is to finish third.

Now as terrible as the Trojans must be, I guess you have to commend Carroll and his staff for giving it the old college try as long as they did before completely washing their hands of the whole miserable lot.

In hindsight, Carroll probably should have demanded that Garrett fire all of Paul Hackett’s players when Garrett got rid of the coaching staff. You can understand Garrett’s reluctance--you make that many calls, and there’s no guarantee you’re going to get everyone’s answering machine.

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NOW AFTER hearing what Carroll had to say, Bisheff suggested the implication is obvious: “Things will get better when his own recruits show up.”

I got to thinking about that, because now that I’ve made it clear I’d rather be sitting next to Guerrero than plaschke or Donoho, there will probably be some hard feelings. I wonder now if the show will go on.

So I called Carroll on Monday and asked how he was going to inspire his stiffs after admitting publicly they aren’t good enough to give him a win. It’s gonna take something special, so I was going to suggest calling Bob Toledo, since UCLA has a bye this week, and have him deliver one of his pre-game pep talks. Maybe bring a few offensive linemen with him, too.

Well, I’m a pretty fast typist, but I couldn’t keep up with Carroll’s response, his words flying here, there and everywhere like a series of passes from Carson Palmer.

“I’m not saying the players are not good enough; I don’t mean that at all,” he said, and I guess he wouldn’t be the first person in sports--NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue telling people the Super Bowl might be played in New York comes to mind--to say something he doesn’t really mean.

“I wouldn’t say that--that’s not the way I do stuff,” he said. “This is like an NFL deal, and you’re trying to get something on a word I used.”

The NCAA is also checking to see if this is the earliest known case of coaching paranoia.

“I’m saying we’re not good enough--all of us. Obviously we were not good enough to beat Stanford or Oregon. We were close, but we’ve got to fix everything. You’ve got to do whatever ... I’m not scapegoating on the players. I’ve never done that, and I’m pretty sure I’m not starting now.”

I’d feel a lot better if he was “certain” he was not starting now.

“I don’t even remember saying that,” he said, which makes him the first person I know to challenge Bisheff’s ability to quote someone accurately. “I don’t mean it in those words, but you got to do whatever you got to do.”

I do.

“There’s more developing the kids than what I thought, maybe, and we’re playing like a real young team,” he continued, “but you can ask anybody that has dealt with me over the years and I would never put the blame on the players. We got to get going ... I just don’t remember saying those things.”

Well, if he’s not going to say those kinds of outrageous things, then there’s no way I want him on our show. We’ve already have our full quota of people who have nothing much to say.

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PERSONALLY, I have USC ranked as the best 1-3 football team in the nation--just ahead of Louisiana-Lafayette and Buffalo.

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THINGS COULD be worse--Garrett could have gotten his No. 1 choice for the USC job--Dennis Erickson.

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THINGS COULD be worse for Mike Riley--he could have taken the USC job instead of staying in San Diego and having the only undefeated team in the AFC.

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THIS FROM Greg in an e-mail: “All I could think about while watching Dave Campo bumble about as the Cowboys’ coach--there goes the next USC coach.”

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THE WAY things are going, Mike Holmgren will be available soon.

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EVERYONE KEEPS reporting it, like it’s news that Doug Flutie has heart. Folks, it’s only news if he’s playing as well as he is without one.

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ON HIS radio show Sunday, Chet Coppock asked a guest what he thought Tampa Bay Coach Tony Dungy and owner Hugh Culverhouse must be thinking after Brad Johnson’s failure to lead the Buccaneers to a win. Although Culverhouse died seven years ago, it’s comforting to know DirecTV is available to everyone.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in an e-mail from Kent:

“The Times has lost any journalistic integrity it might have had. Who is the idiot who takes out Toledo and includes Notre Dame in the AP Top 25 box scores? The paper does this every week; please tell this person to quit and join the South Bend newspaper.

I’ll speak to Dwyre.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.