Parents Seen and Not Heard

The problems usually begin when the soccer players turn 12. At that age, the kids become more athletic, stronger and better coordinated. And as the competition heats up, it can lead to taunting and tantrums and other unsportsmanlike behavior.

Not by the players--by the parents.

“It’s about that age that the parents think they know the rules of soccer. They’re just starting to understand the game,” said Steve Getty, 49, a bear of a man who has coached youth soccer for 20 years. “That’s when they get dangerous.”

On Saturday, Getty was preparing his team of 14-year-old girls for the start of the American Youth Soccer Organization’s fall season in San Juan Capistrano.

“The biggest thing is to have fun,” Getty told his squad as they stretched in the damp grass. “The point of the whole game is to have fun. If you make a mistake, so what? Nobody’s going to blame you.”

On this same field in June there was plenty of blame to go around when a brawl involving more than 30 parents and coaches from Palmdale and Chino during an AYSO tournament made headlines.

The melee, broken up by sheriff’s deputies, prompted the San Juan Capistrano City Council last month to endorse a new “code of conduct” for players, coaches and spectators using city sports facilities. Those who violate the code--which prohibits everything from using vulgar language to heckling referees--could be banned from those facilities.

“It’s embarrassing that we had to sit down and write it out like we did,” said Mayor Wyatt T. Hart. “It’s sad. Even though we wrote it at a fourth-grade comprehension level, it was being written for the parents, because the kids aren’t the problem.”

The Hawthorne-based AYSO also took action, stepping up implementation of a good-sportsmanship pilot program. The program asks parents to pledge, in writing, that they will set a “proper example for our children” by behaving themselves during games.

“All the difficulties happen when parents get too aggressive. It’s never the kids,” said Steve Barrett, regional commissioner of the local league, which is made up of 2,000 kids, ages 5 to 18. “Some parents want to live vicariously through their children. They want to relive their own childhood. People bring a lot of baggage here. But we don’t want trouble from the office to spill out on the soccer field.”

Barrett brought a box of yellow Kids Zone buttons with him Saturday to San Juan Capistrano and planned to hand them out to any parent who got a little too excited, a little too loud.

He would have plenty of buttons left over.

Despite recent violent incidents at youth sporting events nationwide, they’re still rare.

Yet any parent, coach or referee who has been involved in kids games for any length of time can recall moments when adults behaved badly.

“My boys were in hockey and that was nuts,” said Susan Morgan as she watched 12-year-old daughter Hannah play.

“There was a game where one of the dads chased another dad with a cane.”

April Boyle’s 13-year-old daughter, Sarah, has played soccer year-round since she was 4.

Once, Boyle said, she almost witnessed a fistfight between a parent and a referee.

She said she has known parents who will pay their child $100 for each goal they score.

That’s not Boyle’s style--nor Sarah’s for that matter.

“Sportsmanship is more important than who wins,” Boyle said.

Joe Meehan has seen some ridiculous stuff too. Last year, he was at a tournament in Irvine when a father was told to leave after angrily disputing a referee’s call.

The man wouldn’t budge.

It took officials 15 minutes to convince him that if he didn’t go, his son’s team would forfeit the game.

“Parents can get too involved sometimes,” Meehan said.

His 13-year-old daughter was on the field as he spoke, and as her team drove for the net, Meehan let out a cheer.

“C’mon, score,” he said in a voice barely above a whisper.

Later, when her opponents scored, Meehan was equally levelheaded.

“Oops. Got one against us.”

It’s a demeanor that has clearly rubbed off on Meehan’s children.

His son, Travis, had finished playing for the day. His team was whipped four-zip.

But the 10-year-old with blond, spiky hair maintained a Zen-like perspective.

“It’s pretty fun losing,” he said.