Such Competitive Gallows Humor Warrants a ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ Card

Mention was made here of the wisecracking motto of the bail bonds agency run by ex-boxer Art Aragon: “I’ll Get You Out If It Takes 10 Years.”

Reader Jake Harold spotted another eye-catching guarantee, this from JennFord Bail Bonds, which evidently doesn’t require inmates to break out of jail to arrange for bail (see accompanying).

Jailhouse humor (I hesitate to say gallows humor) is not uncommon in the competitive industry.

One business declares it’s “Open 25 Hours.” Another says, “Let us aid and abet you.” That’s its name: Aid & Abet Bail Bonds. Then there’s Bad Boys Bail Bonds, whose vehicles are painted with prison stripes. Bad Boys’ slogan is: “Because Your Momma Wants You Home.”

Speaking of bail bonds: Paramount’s ever-exciting newsletter says a driver tooling down the median strips on Lakewood Boulevard knocked down four trees before escaping--but someone got his license plate. Literally.

The driver had inadvertently knocked it off. And L.A. County sheriff’s deputies were soon knocking at his door.

More stupid criminal tricks: Then there were the thieves in Paramount who apparently were intent on taking just about everything out of one residence. When they were nabbed, they were loading a kitchen sink into their car.

Low crimes and misdemeanors: The Huntington Beach Independent’s police log contained these curious calls:

* “A male subject, leaning against a meat counter for 40 minutes, was reported at 2:31 p.m.” Sounds like the bachelor in that fast-food TV ad who can’t figure out how to shop in markets.

* “A suspicious female, lying on her back with knees in the air and arms over her face, was reported at 3:38 p.m.”

In defense of the suspicious female, that is my posture when sunbathing at the beach (which is where I wished I was on Monday).

Pickled furniture: Marsha Spector spotted an ad for a dinner booth that appeared to be well-preserved (see accompanying).

My moosetake: “One little correction,” writes John Scott of my item about the 40-year-old statue of Bullwinkle and Rocky on Sunset Boulevard. The art was a parody of a revolving ad that was across the street on Sunset Boulevard, not in Las Vegas (as I wrote).

The Vegas-themed sculpture depicted a showgirl “in a bathing suit, holding a cowboy hat in her outstretched hand, which is why Bullwinkle is in a bathing suit and Rocky is in his hand,” Scott said.

Alas, when the showgirl was removed, he added, “the reference for the Bullwinkle statue disappeared.”

Philip Blustein, who also recalled the showgirl work of art, scolded me: “Don’t be sloppy--it reflects on your fellow Hamilton [High] Yankees.”

Yes, but my teachers wouldn’t be surprised.

miscelLAny: Wally Gilbert of Irvine and Mary Hornbuckle of Costa Mesa each found a possible answer to the question of where elves reside between holiday seasons (see photo).

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.