If He Were a Day Trader, He’d Trade This One

Some people will tell you that the first Monday in April is as good as it gets for sports fans: opening day in baseball stadiums across the country, followed by the championship game of the NCAA men’s basketball tournament that night.

I’d call it third, at best.

The problem with baseball’s opening day is that it inspires too much gooey commentary. Announcers gush over the sight of kids eating hot dogs. I read a story Monday that focused on the beauty of bunting--not the red, white and blue drapery around the ballparks but squaring the bat and lightly hitting the ball.

And when you get down to it, does any single game have less to do with the outcome of the season than the first of baseball’s 162? Remember the Dodger opener last year, when Gary Sheffield hit a home run and the Dodgers shut out the Milwaukee Brewers? That turned out to be an omen of ... nothing.

Now, the only thing wrong with the NCAA championship is that it’s just a game. Not multiple games. We get so spoiled by all of the hoops throughout March that having only one game on the docket feels like a letdown. That’s why the first day of the tournament, with its wall-to-wall ball, is actually more fun.

Another drawback to the first Monday in April: The NBA--perhaps as a way to keep Billy Packer from harping on the evils of the pro game for maybe three whole seconds--shuts down the shop and lets the college kids have the stage to themselves. It’s hard for me to show too much love for any day without the NBA.

With far less hype, the Sunday a week before is the best sports day of the year: two NCAA regional finals, the last round of the Players Championship--golf’s “fifth major”--a national NBA game or two. Plus, the Oscars (if you can get into a pool for it, it counts as a sport).

Last year’s edition, March 25, 2001, might have been the greatest couch potato day of all time. Illinois vs. Arizona and Temple vs. Michigan State in the NCAA tournament. The Lakers vs. the Sacramento Kings. Tiger Woods winning the TPC. “Gladiator” taking home best picture at the Oscars. And a new episode of “The Sopranos.” My one and only plant moved more than I did that day.

(Speaking of inactivity, was there ever a better way to waste a summer morning than watching the game show, “Press Your Luck?” I mention this because they’re bringing a new version of the show back to TV. I know that because there was a promotion during Sunday’s Laker game that included the jarring sights of a life-sized Whammy handing Easter candy to Magic Johnson, and Bill Walton waving his hand over a buzzer and uttering the classic “Press Your Luck” mantra: “Big Bucks, no Whammies ... STOP!”)

Well, there’s a whole month to exercise and do other productive things before another mandatory sit-down day: the first Saturday in May. That weekend has NBA and NHL playoff games and, of course, the Kentucky Derby.

Even if you’ve never been to a racetrack, or think “exacta” is a slogan from a Hertz commercial, you watch the Kentucky Derby.

The Derby has it all. The pageantry of the “My Old Kentucky Home” serenade. The anticipation as the horses enter the gate. The drama of the finish. Come to think of it, the Derby has all of the best elements of baseball, without the lengthy waits for pitching changes. And the horses tend to drool and spit less than baseball players.

What other sports celebrations can compete?

Super Bowl Sunday has to count for something. It is the most-watched annual event on television. But the endless pregame yakking wears you down. And the other networks meekly bow down to the Super Bowl. They’ll offer up a basketball game as a snack and then clear the table. Come on, we can handle more. We have picture-in-picture.

One day that isn’t what it used to be is Jan. 1. By spreading its top bowl games around, the bowl championship series is slowly draining New Year’s Day of its juice. You can’t just finish up your college football with one marathon session. You have to pace yourself, leave a little something in the tank. And you can’t even count on the darkness enshrouding the Rose Bowl at the end of the day anymore.

Baseball’s opening day is losing tradition too. Why can’t they just start in Cincinnati on Monday all the time? This baseball season began in Anaheim on Sunday night with a game televised on ESPN2. Look, Cincinnati doesn’t have much of a national profile. When I think of Cincy, I think of chili and opening day. Let them have their tradition back.

Because without tradition, opening day is more and more like another day. There’s no “renewal” or “fresh start.” The sport is still miles away from labor peace, and the Yankees are still the team to go through in October.

There’s only one thing that’s still guaranteed to provide chills on the first Monday in April: the “One Shining Moment” montage of NCAA tournament highlights after the championship game.

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J.A. Adande can be reached at: j.a.adande@latimes.com.