D’oh! These Homers Drive Him Up the Wall

I’m not sure which Times columnist will suggest it this week, but I would imagine by week’s end one of them will contend the Trojans will be getting a raw deal if they’re not allowed to play in this season’s Super Bowl.

USC has finished the regular season 10-2 after demonstrating what the oddsmakers and most football fans pretty much knew -- the Fighting Irish were frauds at 10-1 coming into Saturday’s hyped confrontation in the Coliseum.

Good for the Trojans, congratulations and now will somebody please tell the USC marching band to stop playing that annoying ditty.

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WITH A week to go before the final BCS standings are released, it’s going to be up to the analysts to pass the time, and if last week’s newspaper and radio gush-a-thon is any indication of what to expect, I worry now just how far our homers will go.

Before the Trojans tangled with Notre Dame, the argument was already being made on the radio that USC with its two losses should be playing in the national championship game in place of undefeated Ohio State.

Now you know me, I don’t like to mention names or point the finger at someone for being so far off base ... although this might be a good time to recommend to Christmas shoppers that they purchase Bill Plaschke’s new book, which is a fine collection of his touching columns with all proceeds benefiting charity -- especially if it will put you in a bookstore and out of earshot of anything outlandish the USC homer might say on the radio while subbing for Jim Rome.

And then there was another sports columnist for this newspaper who suggested last week scrapping the rules entirely and placing the Trojans in the Rose Bowl if they defeated the Irish, although Washington State beat USC and is currently in position to represent the Pacific 10 Conference in the game. I wouldn’t even expect such a suggestion from someone writing for the Daily Trojan.

Now you know me, I don’t like to mention names or point fingers -- and I know it’s newspaper law a columnist is entitled to write whatever she thinks, no matter how silly -- but it was also suggested in the same column that USC wouldn’t be out of place in the Fiesta Bowl against Miami, apparently leaping over Ohio State, Iowa, Georgia and, at the time, Oklahoma.

Hello, is anybody home? Or is that what this is all about -- telling the locals just what they want to hear even though it defies common sense? Maybe it’s all about receiving love letters from Trojan fans. I’m sorry, I wouldn’t know anything about that.

A strong finish might mean something if you are a wild-card team in baseball or football, but without a playoff system in college football, to suggest anything different than Ohio State playing an undefeated Miami in the Fiesta Bowl is just home-town cheerleading.

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IN FACT, if I were a Trojan fan I’d be upset with the columnists now who are going to spend the next week pushing for Sugar or Orange Bowl consideration. The columnists will be outraged, of course, like most Trojan fans, because Notre Dame might get more favorable Orange Bowl consideration than USC, even after losing to the Trojans. I guess they have homers working on their behalf, too.

But why not let Notre Dame play in Florida, and then hop in the car and make the Holiday Bowl drive to San Diego for another Trojan tailgating opportunity? Why send the Trojans to the other side of the country when the faithful can join them for a fun-filled finish to the season just down the road?

The only differences between the Orange, Sugar and Holiday bowls are prestige and the financial payoff to the Pac-10, which both UCLA and USC will share along with everyone else.

Does prestige -- playing in Miami or New Orleans in a BCS game -- mean something more than filling Qualcomm Stadium with Trojan spirit a few days earlier for the Holiday Bowl?

Do you really care what the split between Pac-10 teams is after the Sugar, Orange and Holiday bowls have divvied up the loot? A rematch with Kansas State in the Holiday Bowl might really prove how much progress the Trojans have made this season. A game against Texas or Oklahoma in San Diego, as I understand it, is also possible and offers just as much challenge and excitement.

At the risk of being accused of being a homer, USC might even beat those teams.

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THE MOVE locally now will be to not only give the Heisman Trophy to Carson Palmer, but immediately induct him into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

There is no question Palmer has improved as the season has continued, with Coach Pete Carroll and offensive whiz Norm Chow giving him every opportunity to pile up the stats down the stretch, and the prediction here is he wins a trip to New York for the Heisman ceremonies and finishes fifth behind Miami’s Ken Dorsey, Penn State running back Larry Johnson, Iowa quarterback Brad Banks and Miami running back Willis McGahee.

There’s no telling how many Heisman votes Palmer lost because voters turned off Saturday’s game early, tired of hearing that annoying song over and over.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Grandpa Dave:

“To tell you the truth, I’m not fond of your column, but you got my full attention because you wrote something nice about my alma mater and that special grandson of mine, Lyle, the tuba player. Now if you could persuade Lyle to give up thoughts of becoming a Bear or Bruin, or heaven forbid, a Fighting Irish and become a staunch Trojan, I might become a faithful reader.”

By the looks of it, Notre Dame needs Lyle more than I need you.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.