Dog Bites, Penthouse Evictions Prove That’s Entertainment

When a guy who once called himself “the master of the world” ends up unemployed, you know it’s an unusual year in the entertainment business.

But the fate of deposed Vivendi Universal Chairman Jean-Marie Messier wasn’t the only peculiar twist in the last 12 months. Some of 2002’s lowlights:

Start spreading ‘les actualites’ ...

A TV movie about former New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani and his reaction to the Sept. 11 terrorist attack was shot in Montreal.

As an agent, he wasn’t known for calling off the dogs ...

Former super-agent Michael Ovitz settled a lawsuit by a woman claiming she was bitten by his dogs while walking down a Brentwood street.

Roses are red, violets are blue, the stock’s in the tank, goodbye to you ...

Gerald Levin officially left as chief executive of AOL Time Warner after declaring he wanted “to put the poetry back into his life.”

Also, any subject older than 500 years is off-limits ...

The History Channel, in a memo outlining ways to attract a more youthful audience, urged filmmakers to “give younger experts a chance on camera. This country is filled with younger historians dying to get a chance to strut their stuff. Don’t rely on old faithfuls.”

You could argue that in this case it’s actually a DVD bonus feature ...

A man filing a class-action lawsuit against Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer alleged that his copy of Rodney Dangerfield’s 1986 movie “Back to School” failed to include the wide-screen theatrical format.

He already had a license plate ...

Walt Disney Co. Chief Executive Michael Eisner revealed that former sports mogul and film producer Bruce McNall sent him a wallet he made in prison while serving time for fraud.

He shouldn’t have listened to his dentist’s lectures ...

Producer Stephen Bing sued MGM owner Kirk Kerkorian after private detectives collected dental floss from Bing’s trash cans to try to prove that he had fathered Kerkorian’s daughter.

Like the movie, it’s a sticky subject ...

Columbia Pictures’ publicity materials for “Spider-Man” noted that co-star Cliff Robertson was honored for “his brave stand against corporate corruption in Hollywood” as the whistleblower in the 1978 David Begelman embezzlement scandal. Not mentioned was the studio scandalized: Columbia.

Here’s the pitch: Pikachu in a period costume drama ...

Perennial Oscar-nomination factory Miramax Films acquired the rights to two “Pokemon” sequels.

Where there’s smoke, there’s ...

City officials alleged that Los Angeles film czar Cody Cluff expensed a $3,000 initiation fee to the Grand Havana cigar club in Beverly Hills.

The Pittsburgh stealers ...

Cluff, whose job is to promote production in Los Angeles, also got into hot water for funneling $47,000 of local funds to the Pittsburgh Film Office, run by a close friend of his.

He stopped short of dangling him over a hotel balcony ...

In a dispute with Sony Music chief Thomas Mottola over the lagging sales of his “Invincible” album, singer Michael Jackson enlisted lawyer Johnnie Cochran and activist Al Sharpton to protest his cause and called Mottola “devilish.”

Can you feel the heat tonight ...

Comic Jimmy Kimmel told top ABC executives that giving him a talk show to help revive the network meant “You’ll be out scalping tickets to ‘The Lion King.’ ”

Not to mention the Lake Como Board of Realtors is investigating

An agent at Creative Artists Agency was forced to resign after it was learned that he tried to grab a $250,000 finders fee from the seller of a $10-million lakeside Italian villa to actor George Clooney.

You’ve got red ink ...

AOL Time Warner posted a $54.2-billion first-quarter loss, more than the annual gross domestic product of Ecuador, Croatia, Uruguay, Kenya or Bulgaria.

That ‘70s show ...

In a contentious Screen Actors Guild election, 1970s child TV star Melissa Gilbert defeated 1970s sitcom star Valerie Harper for president while 1970s movie star Elliott Gould called 1970s TV star Mike Farrell “a slug.”

At least they value his work ...

The Internal Revenue Service argued in a U.S. Tax Court case that late singer John Denver’s record label and production company are worth $2.5 million more than his estate thinks they are.

We’ll even throw in 10 cases of Dom Perignon ...

Drenched in champagne after the Anaheim Angels beat the New York Yankees in the playoffs, Disney’s Eisner acknowledged that he had yet to find “the right buyer” for the team.

More people saw him there than viewed “Battlefield Earth” and “Lucky Numbers” combined ...

During Game 7 of the World Series, TV cameras repeatedly showed actor John Travolta sitting in Eisner’s private box.

As corporate abuses go, this was par for the course ...

Allegations in an indictment of Adelphia Communications Corp.’s Rigas family included using company funds to build their own designer golf course.

He also thought “Last Action Hero” would be a hit ...

Producer and former Sony Pictures chief Peter Guber, the day before he was assigned to the jury in actress Winona Ryder’s shoplifting trial, predicted: “I have about as much chance of getting on this jury as the man in the moon. I only made three pictures with the lady.”

Maybe the G’s will help him land on his feet ...

Messier, having declared his move from Paris to a $17.5-million, company-owned Park Avenue penthouse “a serious, positive attempt to have gravity in New York,” was evicted after being fired from Vivendi Universal.