This Move Could Tarnish the Golden Gate

Recognizing that the welcome mat no longer is out for Mike Tyson in many cities, Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle says his town would be a fine place for a heavyweight bout.

“Mayor Willie Brown claims to be a major fight fan,” Ostler wrote. “I can see him now, greeting Tyson on the steps of city hall, presenting him the key to the city, having first taken the precaution of changing the lock.

“Da Mayor could also present Da Chomp with a 49er helmet with full-face cage. Much mutual guffawing and backslapping would occur.

“For laughs, we could have a panhandler approach Tyson and say, ‘I haven’t had a bite in days.’”

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Trivia time: Which NFL Europe team has produced two Super Bowl-winning players?

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First and goal: Patrick Reusse of the Minneapolis Star Tribune put the NFL season to rest with a thought worth considering.

“Obviously, no rules remain for winning a Super Bowl, not when you consider this: Fran Tarkenton and Dan Marino couldn’t win one, and Trent Dilfer and Tom Brady have won the past two.”

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Second and goal: Chicago Sun-Times columnist Ron Rapoport, still shell-shocked by Super Bowl prices, lowered the curtain this way: “You have to wonder how many of those who have descended into credit-card-maxout hell consider it money well spent by dawn’s early light the next morning.”

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No hearts, fewer flowers: With Valentine’s Day almost here, consider some words Dan Le Batard of the Miami Herald penned recently.

“You can say Dallas Maverick owner Mark Cuban is a meddlesome buffoon, a money-hurling dork, an ego-inflated rebel, a fine-collecting irritant, a classless boor, a spoiled rich kid and a spotlight-seeking fool without getting any argument from me.

“But don’t say he’s bad for his sport, or sports in general. And certainly don’t say he’s bad for his team. And don’t say he’s a bad owner, either.

“Because, flaws aside, I love the guy.”

Difficult to tell, isn’t it?

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Stretches of imagination: A word of advice from Dallas Morning News columnist Steve Davis to coaches in wake of the resume scandal at Notre Dame: “Any job-seeking coach who hasn’t rushed over to Kinko’s to clean up any ‘stretches’ isn’t the sharpest cheese on the plate.”

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A swing and a miss: Riviera Country Club and San Diego’s Torrey Pines South Course are likely to be rivals when it comes to staging the U.S. Open golf tournament in 2008.

With that in mind, Nick Canepa of the San Diego Union-Tribune suggests history is on San Diego’s side.

“When Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo first came to our links in 1542, he probably pulled out a 7-iron, turned to the members of his foursome and said: ‘We can do a U.S. Open here.’”

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Trivia answer: The Amsterdam Admirals, with Adam Vinatieri in 1996 and Kurt Warner in 1998.

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And finally: Considering all the frozen water being shown on NBC, Bernie Lincicome of the Rocky Mountain News suggests a better use for it.

“Ice was meant to be surrounded by scotch. Two-thirds of the world agrees with that fundamental law of nature.”

Grahame L. Jones