What’s Good for Business Can Be Bad for the Family
Executive Roundtable is a weekly column by TEC Worldwide, an international organization of more than 7,000 business owners, company presidents and chief executives. TEC members meet in small peer groups to share their business experiences and help each other solve problems in a round-table session. The following question and answer is a summary of discussions at a recent TEC meeting in Southern California.
Question: I started a small design business three years ago, and it’s been a struggle since day one. I regularly work 80-hour weeks, the business has drained almost all our financial resources, and it’s putting a real strain on my marriage. Although my husband initially supported me, he is growing increasingly resentful of my preoccupation with the business. I don’t want to lose my marriage, but if I cut back now all my hard work will go down the drain. How can I get him to understand this is just a phase every new business has to go through?
Answer: They say that starting a business is like having a baby. The demands of getting a fledgling company off the ground require a seemingly endless reservoir of cash, energy, time and patience. When getting past the survival phase takes longer than expected, however, even the strongest of marriages are put to the test.
As in all family-owned businesses, there are always two sets of issues--what’s best for the business and what’s best for the family.
In this case, said Jo Hunt, president of DeLyon-Hunt & Associates in Redondo Beach, the time has come to step back and reassess your initial business plan and the viability of the business.
“When you start a business, it always takes longer and costs more than you expect,” Hunt said. “However, if you continually fall short of expectations, you need to revisit your initial business plan and come up with a different and more realistic set of goals and objectives. More important, you need to set a deadline and make a commitment--to yourself and to your husband--that if the company doesn’t at least reach the break-even point by the deadline, you will pull the plug.
“The harsh reality is that the business may never make money, and you can’t keep chasing the rainbow forever. At some point you have to accept the inevitable and move on to something else. Having a deadline and specific targets can make that decision a bit easier, but in the long run both you and your marriage will be better off by drawing a line in the sand and refusing to cross it.”
That takes care of the business side, but what about the family? Having a revised forecast and a clear end in sight may not be enough to quell the uprising on the home front.
To reconnect with your husband, Wes Phillips, CEO of Hunter Barth Advertising in Costa Mesa, suggested scheduling time with him as part of your regular planning process.
“Start by planning the time you will spend together, so that you can fit it into the flow of your business rather than trying to grab it piecemeal,” Phillips said. “On the first of each month, sit down and schedule time and activities together away from the business. Of course, emergencies and unforeseen events will always come up, but do your best to stick to the schedule and, when possible, make up for any cancellations.
“Try this approach for two or three months. If it doesn’t work, seek the help of a professional coach or counselor who can help you work together better as a couple. If your husband balks at the idea of counseling, at least do it yourself. If you don’t take care of yourself, you will never be able to take care of the business.”
The key to scheduling time with your husband is to make it quality time, said Carri Johnston, president of Pep Threads in Orange. That means making discussions about the business off limits during your time together.
“When I started my business many years ago, I constantly turned to my husband for counsel, advice and support,” Johnston said. “Night and day, all I talked about was the business. I had no idea how much it affected my husband until one day he looked me in the eye and said very bluntly, ‘Honey, I think you love that business more than me.’ That served as a real wake-up call, and we managed to work things out before my commitment to the business wrecked our marriage.
“When you schedule time together, talk about anything but the business. If you need advice, seek outside help. Find a mentor, join a CEO group or hire a consultant, but don’t keep burdening your husband with your business problems. As soon as the business allows, hire some additional people and delegate as much as you can. Your marriage can’t survive the business unless you do.”
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If there is a business issue you would like addressed in this column, contact TEC at (800) 274-2367, ext. 3177. To learn more about TEC, visit www.teconline .com.
