Bouton Throws a Curve to Canseco

Former big league pitcher Jim Bouton, author of the classic book “Ball Four,” warns Jose Canseco about writing a tell-all book about major league baseball because it won’t have the same impact.

What’s left to expose?

“To top what goes on in the news, he would have to find a pro athlete who has killed three or more people,” Bouton said.

“And on the medical side he’d have to find not just steroid use, but somebody who is now pitching with cloned body parts.

“Other than that, he’s behind the curve.”

Trivia time: Which player holds the NBA playoff record for points scored in an overtime period?

End of an era: Geoff Russell of GolfWorld reports that Gary and Michael Nicklaus failed to qualify for the U.S. Open.

“That means, barring a last-minute special invitation to their father, Jack, next month’s U.S. Open will be the first since 1959 without a Nicklaus in the field.”

No such luck: Alden Robinson, director of the movie “The Sum of All Fears,” about filming a stadium attack scene in Montreal: “I want to apologize to the people of Montreal. A lot of people thought we were going to blow up Olympic Stadium and were very disappointed when they learned we weren’t.”

Bruin on the bubble: Ron Rapoport in the Chicago Sun-Times has an update on former UCLA and Chicago Bear quarterback Cade McNown: “[He] is already on the bubble with the Dolphins. The only spot [Coach] Dave Wannstedt has open is third-string quarterback, and McNown, Wannstedt told the Miami Herald, has ‘just got to be more consistent.’”

Hooked: English actor Hugh Grant, on his latest hobby, golf: “I’ve become obsessed. I’d hope to hate it--it’s so unchic. I wish I’d become a surfer.”

End of the line? Jim Armstrong in the Denver Post: “Memo to Seattle Seahawk Coach Mike Holmgren, who picked up Ryan Leaf the other day after he was dumped by the Cowboys: Sorry, but not even Frasier can help this guy.”

Looking back: On this day in 1959, Pittsburgh’s Harvey Haddix had an amazing pitching performance, working 12 perfect innings before losing to the Milwaukee Braves, 1-0, in the 13th.

Looking back again: On this day in 1983, the Lakers had only five free-throw attempts against Philadelphia in the second game of their NBA championship series. Predictably, the Lakers lost and were swept by the 76ers.

Announcer’s nightmare: It’s understandable why running back Oyeniran Olalere Odunayo-Ojo of NFL Europe’s Rhein Fire goes by the nickname of Oje. Not only can Oye, a true prince of his clan in Nigeria, run the ball, he speaks three different African languages, as well as German and English.

Trivia answer: Clyde Drexler of Portland, 13, against the Lakers on April 29, 1992.

And finally: Italy’s World Cup team got this send-off from Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, who owns the AC Milan club team: “You are traveling to the Far East to win,” he said. “If you fail, better you stay there.”

He was kidding, of course, or was he?