‘Extreme’ slackers in the snow

Dude, it’s Silo (Joe Absolom) -- yeah, man, how ya doin’? I just got back from Australia -- I mean, Austria -- yeah, which is somewhere, uh, near Germany, which is like in Europe and it was awesome! Yeah, there were these mountains and drops and there was this director guy (Rufus Sewell), who, like, hired me and some other boarders to shoot this commercial for some sort of digital video camera for some Japanese company, which is, you know, cool.

So, me and these other boarders, this twisted punk chick Kittie (Jana Pallaske), this loser Will (Devon Sawa) and this uptight Suzy Chapstick-type (Bridgette Wilson-Sampras) -- hot but frosty, you know? -- we’re, like, in this commercial and racing ahead of -- get this -- an avalanche! But then, like, I don’t know, these nasty Serbian dudes showed up at this hotel we’re staying in and they start waving guns around -- dude, it was like some MTV gangsta stuff -- and chasing us with a helicopter! It was wack -- I didn’t know what was going on!

Wait, man, there’s more. There was this other guy, this dude Christian Duguay, and he was actually, like, the real director of this, uh, movie we’re in. Yeah, man, I wasn’t there for a commercial, I was, like, in a movie! Yeah, some writer dude, I think his name was, uh, Michael Zaidan, was supposed to have like written the screenplay or something, but, dude, the only thing that I ever saw that was written down were the zeroes on my paycheck.

Dude, one last thing: If you see my moms and pops, definitely don’t tell them about this. They’d kill me if they found out that all I did in this flick was just ride, check out the honeys, drink some cold ones and, like, almost break my neck flying off some mountain! I mean, dude, snowboards and Serbs -- what more could you want?! Sweet!

-- Manohla Dargis

“Extreme Ops.” MPAA rating: PG-13, some material may be inappropriate for children. Running time: 1 hour, 33 minutes. In general release.