Yeah, He’d Turn Down a Round at Augusta

Rick Telander of the Chicago Sun-Times commenting on--make that ridiculing--the membership of Augusta National: “USA Today released the formerly secret names of the high-profile old geezers who make up the membership. They are old geezers, by the way--average age is 72, with the youngest being 39 and the oldest, if he hasn’t keeled over face-first into Amen Corner, 97--and something about that list made my flesh crawl....

“I was thinking that if the starter said it was time for me to tee off with my foursome, of, say Sam Nunn, the former senator turned Coca-Cola board official; Peter Coors, chairman of the Coors brewing company and the guy who does those smarmy mountaintop beer ads; and Lou Holtz, the lisping little con man who currently coaches football at South Carolina, I would ask if simply killing myself was an option.”

Trivia time: Who was the first running back to gain 1,000 or more yards in the Pacific Coast Conference?

Did she practice? Queen Elizabeth will drop the ceremonial puck today in an exhibition game between the San Jose Sharks and Canucks in Vancouver.

With the queen’s busy schedule, a media coordinator thinks it’s unlikely she will practice her technique.

Comment: It isn’t that difficult, is it?

Different attitude: Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel, on what it’s like for college football teams to play in Tallahassee: “They used to come here without hope. They used to come here to die. No more.

“Now they come here not only thinking they might be able to defeat Florida State, but believing they can.

“The Clemson Tigers did not beat the Seminoles Thursday night [losing, 48-31], but that is not the point. The point is they thought they would and played as if they could.”

Out of place: From comedy writer Jerry Perisho: “The Utah Jazz signed veteran point guard Mark Jackson to a one-year contract to back up John Stockton.

“Mark Jackson in Salt Lake City? That’s as good a fit as asking the Mormon Tabernacle Choir to open for the Rolling Stones.”

Read at your own risk: Jerry Greene in the Orlando Sentinel: “Two eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank--proving that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.”

Looking back: On this day in 1968, the St. Louis Cardinals defeated the Detroit Tigers, 10-1, to take a three-games-to-one lead in the World Series. However, the Tigers rallied to win the Series.

Bay watch: From the Caught on the Fly column in the Sporting News: “With the Rams, Seasquawks and Cardinals sinking, it should be smooth sailing for the Forty-whiners in the NFC-minus West, but Frisco forecasters are spotting disturbing trends. Jeff Garcia’s deep balls are anything but, and his quick outs have been as crisp as soaking sourdough.”

Trivia answer: Morley Drury of USC, 1,163 yards in 1927.

And finally: Scott Ostler in the San Francisco Chronicle: “Cops find pot residue in Randy Moss’ ashtray and Moss is baffled. Who would have done such a thing to him? Moss vows to devote the rest of his life to finding the real stoners.”