If Only Twins Could Get Back to Dome

The Twins need a dose of that special mausoleum magic found only in the cold concrete of the Metrodome. But the way they’re going, the next time they visit the Dome it will be to pack up their toiletries and spare socks for the winter.

If they can win today, they will bring the series back to Minnesota. And as we all know, that would be a very bad thing for the Disney Angels. But to win today the Twins need to do an about-face. First and foremost, they need to start hitting the baseball.

“They won three in a row, so can we,” said Doug Mientkiewicz. “It’s not out of the realm of possibility.”

Yet it is out of the realm of probability if the Twins don’t hit better. They also need to catch the ball better, pitch better out of the bullpen and not botch any more hit-and-run signs.

“I don’t know what to tell you,” said Corey Koskie.

Poor Koskie, the mighty Canadian lumberjack who eats 100 flapjacks and then clears an entire forest by lunchtime, is swinging like a rusty gate. David Ortiz unfortunately has given new meaning to his nickname “the Big O.” Jacque Jones is like a human ceiling fan, creating a major breeze at the plate three or four times a night.

One more poor showing and the Twins will allow Mr. Bud Selig to breathe a huge sigh of relief. He will not have to present that championship trophy in Minnesota after all.

Everybody seemed sure when the team left for Anaheim after Game 2 that they would be back. I don’t think anyone even considered the possibility of a three-game sweep in California.

Is it over? Does Selig wriggle off the hook? Does Carl Pohlad crawl back into his vault until the ballpark debate heats up again? Or will the Twins fend off elimination one more time and get the series back to a wild and crazy Metrodome? Tune in.