McCarver Gets Lost in All the Details

Question: What do Troy Percival, Robb Nen and Joe Buck have in common?

Answer: They are invaluable, irreplaceable stoppers for their respective World Series teams.

Buck pitches for Fox, meaning he faces the most daunting assignment of all: putting out the fires set ablaze by partner Tim McCarver, verbal pyromaniac.

McCarver is sportcasting’s equivalent to a 10-run inning -- interesting to a point, invariably too much of a good thing -- and he was at it again as Tuesday’s World Series Game 3 settled in for the third inning.

Goaded on by Fox’s relentlessly roving celebrity-tracking camera, also known as the Bicentennial Man Sham Cam, McCarver couldn’t resist commenting on a crowd shot of Robin Williams wearing a pair of sunglasses apparently won in a card game from Elton John.

“How about those glasses Robin Williams had on?”

Uh-oh.

Time to get Buck warming up in the bullpen.

“Mindy and Mork glasses,” McCarver said, sounding a little mixed up, sounding like he was about to discuss, in exceedingly elaborate detail, the upcoming confrontation between Hernandez Livan and Eckstein David.

“Or 3-D glasses,” McCarver continued. “For those of you who do not know what 3-D glasses were, three-dimensional movies came in about 30 years ago ... “

Help! S-O-S!

In heroic fashion, Buck answered the call.

“Just stop!” Buck ordered. “Just stop right now! Just don’t! Don’t do it!”

How many thousands of Americans rose to their feet right then to call out Buck for a standing ovation?

Buck sounded like an exasperated parent -- you could just picture him shaking his head, or burying it in his hands -- as he sighed and muttered, “Explaining 3-D glasses ... “

That’s McCarver. Usually useful to have around because he knows so much, often a royal pain in the ears because he knows so much.

Actually, he and Dennis Miller would have made the perfect tandem -- the two smartest kids in class, Miller talking over everybody else’s head and McCarver providing translation, in exceedingly elaborate detail.

(Although McCarver needs to brush up on his cinema history. Monday Night Football came in about 30 years ago; 3-D movies were popular in the 1950s, shortly before McCarver began his career as a big-league catcher flashing signs to pitchers. One finger means fastball, which is a type of pitch, usually delivered at three-quarters overhead trajectory, with significantly more force and velocity than a changeup, which can be an effective strategic deception deployed at times when I show you two fingers ... )

Game 3 was a textbook example of the pros and cons of having McCarver on hand to narrate the evening’s entertainment. During his pregame comments, McCarver described the Angels as having a more National League-type playing style than the NL champion Giants. Moments later, the Angels unleashed their double-stealing, run-and-hit approach at Pac Bell Park, slapping together 16 hits and batting around in consecutive innings en route to a methodical 10-4 decision over the swing-from-the-heels Giants.

McCarver broadcasts 20 games a year for the Giants, but didn’t let those ties get in the way when watching a replay of Kenny Lofton being credited with a stolen base when it appeared Angel second baseman Adam Kennedy had applied the tag in time. “He was out,” McCarver declared. “The Giants got [a favorable] call right there.” Rex Hudler, please note.

McCarver gets himself into trouble because he doesn’t know when to quit. He can be a workout for Buck, who knows what Pat Summerall went through, reining in John Madden’s bull-in-the-broadcast-booth all those years. Sometimes, you have to elbow him off a topic before he pulverizes it into sawdust. When that fails, you just have to yell at him to stop it, just stop it.

Of course, McCarver is the ideal baseball analyst for Fox, Fox being the industry leader in overkill. From the ceaseless self-promotion to the annoying crowd-and-dugout cutaway shots, Fox simply doesn’t know when to let up.

Case in point: Fox showed seven shots of Robin Williams during the top of the third inning. Either Fox needs to show more restraint or San Francisco needs more movie stars.

So, how many celebrities will Fox be flying in for Game 4?