But Are You Fans Prepared to Lose?

Tired of reading about the Angels? Me too.

Think for one second we’re going to let up? No chance.

But look on the bright side: Early in the last century, the World Series was best-of-nine. Now, it’s only best-of-seven. It’ll all be over soon. We can all get back to our lives, minus the excitement.

That’s why I want to do a little hand-holding today. As local preachers ask every Sunday in one way or another: Are you prepared for the end?

You’d better be, because this weekend, out there on the normally sedate greenery of Edison Field in Anaheim, you Angels fans are going to experience either rapture beyond your wildest dreams or one giant bummer.

Either way, you’ll want to be ready.

If it’s the rapture, you know what to do.

Just lift your arms skyward and begin shouting and laughing. Hug the guy next to you, even if it means that he slops his beer on you.

It’s the bummer scenario that worries me.

Some of you will be able to handle it. However, based on hundreds of phone conversations and letters over the years, I realize many of you are deeply troubled and not up to the task of accepting a World Series loss.

You will feel the need to telephone TV’s Dr. Phil and ask him what to do, to ask how you possibly can handle the pain.

He’ll tell you that “life goes on” and that “lots of things are more important than winning the World Series,” but you’ll know instinctively he’s wrong.

He’ll ask why you’re investing so much in a baseball team.

You’ll want to pluck his mustache, hair by hair.

I’m not worried about longtime Angel fans, the ones who go back 20 years or more. You already understand the unique pain that baseball can inflict.

My concern is you new fans -- the innocent children or bandwagon-hopping adults who have been die-hard Angel boosters since about mid-September. The ones who have seen in this brilliant three-week burst in October how exhilarating and fulfilling baseball can be -- when your team is doing everything right -- and think that’s the way it always is.

Now, the final act beckons. On either Saturday or Sunday, these new fans know the Angels will win the Series, because they’re such good guys and Gene Autry would be so happy and David Eckstein is so cute and we beat the Yankees and Twins already.

To those fans: The Angels could lose.

Not saying they will, but they could. I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t alert you to that.

That said, I can’t begin to prepare you for the pain. Oh, yeah, and it lasts a lifetime, too.

I’ve been a Pittsburgh Pirates fan for more than 40 years. Twice they led games going into the bottom of the ninth inning that, had they held on to win, would have sent them to the World Series.

One of those losses was 30 years ago, the other 10. I haven’t made peace with either one.

The memory of the physical and emotional pain those games caused bubbles up every October. All that emotional investment, the fervent hopes ... dashed in an instant. Dashed with a finality that hits you right in the gut.

That, Angel fan, is the risk you’re running. In short, you’re exposed.

Maybe you’ll be lucky.

On what remain three of the most blissful days of my life, the Pirates won the World Series -- each time in the seventh game.

May the Rally Monkey cast his divine light on you this weekend.

May you feel the rapture.

And if the Halos lose and, worse yet, do so in an especially excruciating manner ...

Remember, there’s no crying in baseball.

*

Parsons’ column appears Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Readers may reach him at (714) 966-7821 or by writing to The Times’ Orange County edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or by e-mail to dana.parsons@latimes.com.