Dry Run

As UCLA begins the first week of a new season, Cory Paus begins his 11th week of sobriety.

The senior quarterback is abstaining from alcohol, confronting a problem that resulted in two convictions for driving under the influence the last three years, and two stints in jail in the last year.

“I realize I can’t go out and drink, not even like an average 22-year-old,” he said. “It’s strange that I actually know how long I’ve been sober. The biggest reason I’m doing this is to guarantee that drinking won’t have a negative effect on my ability to perform.

“Even a couple beers with friends, that’s not going to help me win a game.”

Quarterbacks typically meet for hours a day, to review plays, to study film, to decide when to meet next.

As a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, Paus sits through meetings that focus on 12 steps, not 11 players. He is approaching the season with a clear head.

A clean slate will be more difficult.

UCLA fans can’t forget his most recent game, a humiliating 27-0 loss to USC last November in which he passed for a career-low 45 yards. It was the final and most disturbing of four consecutive losses after the Bruins opened 6-0.

Then came the sound bites of Paus under siege in the interview room at the Coliseum. He was peppered with questions not only about his dismal performance but also about the DUI convictions, which had come to light two days earlier in media reports.

Why had he failed to inform Coach Bob Toledo of the incidents? Did he really believe he could keep them secret, especially when he had been sentenced to jail time? How did he feel about letting down teammates already reeling from the suspension of tailback DeShaun Foster for committing an NCAA extra-benefits violation?

Paus, accustomed to standing tall under pressure, didn’t flinch, answering every question and even shooing away a UCLA official who tried to pull him from the podium.

It was as if he believed that enduring a public flogging was part of his penance.

There was more to come. He spent four days in L.A. County jail in January, then did another 10-day jail term in Bridgeport, Calif., during spring break for violating his probation on the first DUI conviction--a wet reckless outside Mammoth Lakes two years ago.

“All I could do was sit there in a steel cell and think about my life,” he said. “I know I am not a criminal, but I committed crimes that forced me to be there. It was a humbling experience.

“I saw things that go on, and the type of people who were in there, and understood how lucky I am to be in college and have special skills. It was a time for reflection.”

He satisfied court-ordered community service hours by speaking at Boys and Girls Clubs and at a camp for children with muscular dystrophy. He started attending AA meetings, another condition of his probation.

Yet he continued to drink. Not every night. Not getting falling-down drunk. But still a few beers at home, a few beers at a bar, a few nights a week.

It’s what everybody does, he believed. He’d been drinking since he was 16, growing up outside Chicago. He and his friends drank to keep warm on frigid winter nights, to cool off on sweltering summer afternoons.

When he first came to UCLA, there were nights of beery initiation with the resident star, quarterback Cade McNown. Beer was lubrication, and Paus bonded with teammates and lost that funny Midwest accent when his words were slurred.

He was required to attend AA meetings after his first conviction, but Paus wasn’t open to the message. None of it applied to him, he told himself, not to the 19-year-old UCLA quarterback of the future who just partied like everyone else.

But last spring he found himself back at the meetings, again under a judge’s orders. This time sitting in a circle with people gripping cups of black coffee gave Paus pause: Where had that future gone?

His career began with promise, seven starts as a redshirt freshman in 1999 before the season ended prematurely because of a broken collarbone against Washington. The next season he passed for 2,154 yards and 17 touchdowns, solid numbers considering he missed three games because of a separated shoulder and was knocked out of the Sun Bowl with another collarbone break.

Last season the problem was his right thumb, sprained in a summer workout when he foolishly stepped in at wide receiver “to show some guys some things.” The injury nagged him all season and his production dipped to 1,740 yards and eight touchdowns.

He watched from the sideline as senior reserve Scott McEwan threw three touchdown passes in a season-ending victory over Arizona State.

A few months later he was stuck in idle again, sitting in an AA meeting listening to others relate their tales of woe. This time he opened his ears, and his heart.

“I’m not hiding, not faking it,” he said. “The first time I didn’t get anything out of it. This time it is much more beneficial.”

Paus vows not to drink during the season, raising the question: What about the rest of his life?

“There is no plan,” he said. “I have a feeling that alcohol will not be a significant part of my life ever again.”

Robert Mauer, outreach coordinator of the Addiction Recovery Resource Center, said it would be unrealistic for Paus to proclaim that he would never drink again.

“People in recovery take it a day at a time,” Mauer said. “The response I would have liked to have heard is, ‘I don’t plan on using today.’ But the football season is foremost on his mind and he was in a bind. So I think that saying he won’t drink all season is appropriate.”

The day after UCLA’s last game will be a crossroads for Paus.

“He’s already projected that as his end point, his goal, so that might be a difficult time,” Mauer said. “Anybody in recovery will tell you there are no safe places. This is something he will have to wrestle with for the rest of his life.

“But even if he did drink after the season, it’s not condoned, but not condemned, either. I wouldn’t say it was terrible that he had a drink at the end of the season, but rather what he does at that point, continue drinking or get back on the program and deal with why he drank again.”

For now, teammates have noticed the change. In the huddle, where Paus is more authoritative, and at parties, where he walks around with a glass of water.

“He has a more serious approach to the season, all business,” senior tight end Mike Seidman said. “And off the field, he’s making an impact because everybody watches the quarterback. When you see him out and he’s not drinking and you are, it makes you feel guilty in a weird way.”

Seidman learned his own lesson a few days before fall camp began, getting pulled over outside a club and undergoing a field sobriety test with a policeman’s flashlight in his face.

“I wasn’t drunk, thank God,” Seidman said. “But I thought, ‘What if?’ I thought, ‘This is what happened to Cory.’ ”

Freshman quarterbacks Drew Olson and Matt Moore trod carefully upon arriving at UCLA, having read about Paus’ problems. Their parents worried that the senior might be a poor influence.

“Cory is nothing like what I thought he might be,” Moore said. “He’s a great example, on and off the field. He’s the leader of the football team.”

Paus owes a debt of gratitude to Toledo, who has forgiven but not forgotten. Perhaps the coach had no alternative--no other quarterback is ready to step in--but he was willing to patch a relationship torn apart by Paus’ deceit.

“He knows he made a big mistake and I know he made a big mistake,” Toledo said. “We’ve put it behind us. Our rapport is good. We have an understanding. He can’t afford to make any more mistakes.”

The fence mending continued. Dan Guerrero received a call from Paus shortly after becoming UCLA athletic director in July.

“We talked about the incident,” Guerrero said. “He is remorseful and ready to accept a leadership role. He did this all on his own. He has an opportunity to turn a negative into a positive.”

Paus visited his parents in Illinois and went out with friends, the ones he used to drink with in high school. Most did not attend college, found jobs and go to bars on weekends.

“My parents said that this was the big test, going out with my old friends,” he said. “And you know what? They said, ‘Good for you, it’s about time.’ It felt really good not to drink and have them be supportive. It was pretty exciting.”

There are more hurdles ahead. Paus must stay free of injury, always an issue with him. He must adjust to new personnel, especially at center and running back. He must prove he can consistently complete short passes, oddly the ones that have given him the most trouble.

A strong season would boost his place in the UCLA record book. He is fifth in passing yardage with 5,230, fewer than 1,000 yards from catapulting to second behind McNown, who had 10,708. He could also finish second in touchdowns and completions.

“It makes me upset [that] I’ve missed so many games with injuries,” he said. “I’ve had a roller coaster career, yet I’m still up there with some pretty good names. I don’t think about it much, but it’s obvious to me that if I’d never been hurt, I’d be close to beating all the records.”

His thumb remains a concern, hurting when he takes a snap awkwardly or hits it against the ground.

“I don’t know if it will ever be like it was,” he said. “It’s as good as it’s going to be.”

Like so many aspects of his life, the condition of his thumb is largely beyond his control. Abstaining from alcohol, however, is a choice he is making each day.

“I’m focusing on what kind of person I am,” he said. “Everybody is looking at me in the huddle. How am I going to react?

“And after the game, if I’m out there and not drinking, maybe the younger guys will refrain from it. Maybe by watching me and understanding what I went through, they’ll see that’s the way to go.”