L.A. Should Insist on Background Checks
News item/rumor: San Diego Chargers reportedly considering a move to Los Angeles.
News item/rumor: Indianapolis Colts reportedly considering a move to Los Angeles.
Reaction: If Los Angeles is going to have a choice in the matter, it had better first consult the Carpetbagger Consumer Guide:
L.A. CONNECTIONS
Chargers: Chargers spent their first season of existence, 1960, in L.A. and reached the American Football League’s inaugural championship game. They lost, of course, to Houston, as our politicos did four decades later. Moved to San Diego in 1961. Now edging their way back up the coast with plan to move next summer’s training camp to Carson.
Colts: As Baltimore Colts, used to be Western Conference and Coastal Division rivals of the Rams until the 1970 NFL-AFL merger. Last set foot inside the Coliseum in 1991, losing to Raiders, 16-0.
CAN THEY WIN THE BIG ONE?
Chargers: Not since 1963, when the Chargers, in their third season in San Diego, defeated the Boston Patriots, 51-10, in the AFL championship game. The Chargers played in five of the AFL’s first six title games, going 1-4 from 1960-1965. Very similar to the Rams circa 1969-1979.
Colts: Not since 1971, when Colts, winding down the Johnny Unitas era, defeated Dallas, 16-13, in Super Bowl V. Went 1-1 against New York in two of the biggest pro football games ever played--beating the Giants in overtime for the 1958 NFL title and losing to Joe Namath’s Jets in Super Bowl III a decade later.
CAN THEY GET TO THE BIG ONE?
Chargers: Not since the 1994 season, when they made their only Super Bowl appearance, a 49-26 loss to San Francisco. Ominous: The Chargers’ last appearance in the playoffs was a 1995 wild-card loss to the Colts.
Colts: See Super Bowl V. Baltimore had to wait XXX years, and import another team, to experience the Super Bowl again. Indianapolis never has. The ’95 Colts got close but lost to Pittsburgh in the AFC final.
CAN THEY BEAT THE COWBOYS AND THE VIKINGS?
(Exceedingly important to L.A. old-timers.)
Chargers: Doesn’t look promising. Chargers are 2-5 against the Cowboys, 4-4 against the Vikings.
Colts: Better. Colts are 5-7 against the Cowboys, but one of the victories was the Super Bowl, and 13-7-1 against the Vikings.
STAR POWER
(Exceedingly important to L.A. new-timers)
Chargers: Top marquee name is a linebacker. Junior Seau is a famous USC alum, but he’s now winding down a Hall of Fame career. Next biggest name, Doug Flutie, is featured on front of cereal boxes but is now riding the bench as he approaches 40. Too early to tell on Drew Brees and LaDainian Tomlinson.
Colts: Peyton Manning, Edgerrin James, Marvin Harrison. Colts over Chargers in a rout.
FLASH FACTOR
Chargers: Currently coached by Marty Schottenheimer, whose teams specialize in controlling the line of scrimmage, controlling the ball on the ground and losing early in the playoffs.
Colts: Manning, James, Harrison. Added bonus: The gold in James’ smile. Colts over Chargers in a rout.
ON THE SCHEDULE
Chargers: Still a member of the AFC West, which would mean the local return of Kansas City Coach Dick Vermeil (call the UCLA Alumni Assn.), Denver quarterback Steve Beuerlein (call the relatives) and the Raiders (call the police).
Colts: Just were realigned into the AFC South, which would mean an instant rivalry with the Houston Texans (the expansion team that went away) and explaining to the children why Los Angeles is in the same division with Jacksonville and Tennessee.
CHANCES OF WINNING IMMEDIATELY IN L.A.
Chargers: Haven’t had a winning season since 1995. Won one game in 2000, won five in 2001. But with Brees, Tomlinson and now, at last, Quentin Jammer on board, prospects sound a lot like the Clippers’.
Colts: New Coach Tony Dungy is trying to rebuild the defense but needs time. Consensus is that the Colts are a year away. The timing could be perfect.
CHANCES OF DRAGGING THE GOOD NAME OF L.A. THROUGH THE MUD OF NATIONAL RIDICULE
Chargers: Historically speaking, could happen at any minute.
Colts: Haven’t been really bad--i.e., 2000 Chargers bad--since they went 1-15 in 1991.
DO WE REALLY WANT THEM?
Chargers: Let’s do training camp in July and we’ll get back to you.
Colts: Hold somebody below 340 yards and we’ll talk.
Dwayne Rudd’s Place in History
Counting down the 10 greatest gaffes in pro football history....
10. Bob Griese drops back ... and back ... and back. Trying to avoid the rush in Super Bowl VI, Miami quarterback scrambles out of a short loss and into an eventual 29-yard sack in an eventual 24-3 Dallas victory.
9. Dave Smith’s premature spike. Smith, a Pittsburgh wide receiver, is cruising in for an easy score against Kansas City during the fourth quarter of a one-sided 1971 Monday night game and spikes the ball on the five-yard line. The ball bounds through the end zone for a touchback. Steelers close out a 38-16 defeat.
8. Abner Haynes wins toss, elects to kick into the wind. A brain cramp, for sure, occurring after the end of regulation in the 1962 AFL title game between Haynes’ Dallas Texans and the Houston Oilers. Fortunately for Haynes, Houston doesn’t score and Dallas wins on a field goal in the second overtime period.
7. Garo Yepremian gets wild, crazy. Miami kicker doesn’t know what to do with the football after a field-goal attempt in Super Bowl VII goes awry, so he makes the worst possible choice: trying to throw it. Ball slips out of his hands, winds up in the arms of Washington’s Mike Bass, who takes it in for the Redskins’ only points in a 14-7 Dolphin win.
6. Leon Lett lets loose too soon. Rumbling in for a fumble-recovery touchdown in Super Bowl XXVII, Dallas defensive lineman starts waving the ball around before crossing the goal line. Buffalo receiver Don Beebe makes a long recovery run, swats the ball from Lett’s paw and the ball rolls out of the end zone for a touchback. Dallas still wins, 52-17.
5. Bill Gramatica jumps for joy, lands on injured reserve. Getting a little too excited over a first-quarter field goal in a meaningless December game in 2001, Arizona kicker tears knee ligaments and is done for the season.
4. Jim Marshall’s wrong-way run. Marshall’s mistake--picking up a San Francisco fumble, getting turned around and running it back all the way for a Minnesota safety in 1964--is pro football legend, but it didn’t cost his team much in the long run. Minnesota still won the game, 27-22.
3. Jerome Bettis calls tails, Phil Luckett hears heads. Pittsburgh wins the coin toss to begin overtime against Detroit on Thanksgiving Day 1998, but referee Luckett mistakenly gives the Lions the choice to receive. They do, and minutes later, Jason Hanson kicks the game-winning field goal.
2. Joe Pisarcik doesn’t take a knee. Needing only that to ice a 1978 victory over Philadelphia, New York Giant quarterback instead runs the play sent in from the sideline--not his fault there; he was only doing his job--and fumbles the intended handoff. Eagle Herman Edwards recovers and runs it back for the game-winning touchdown.
1. Dwayne Rudd throws his helmet. Or as someone on the field should have warned him, “If that helmet comes down, you won’t be winning the game you thought you won.” The greatest blunder ever in an NFL game, especially if Cleveland misses making the playoffs by one defeat.