Eagles Win a Laugher

If he didn’t know it already, Washington Redskin Coach Steve Spurrier got an excruciating two-part lesson Monday night before a national TV audience:

Part One: The NFL is not the Southeastern Conference.

Part Two: The Philadelphia Eagles are not the Arizona Cardinals.

Looking frustrated, bedraggled and not the least bit amused, Spurrier watched the Eagles roll to a 37-7 victory in a game delayed seven minutes when pepper spray wafted onto the visiting sideline.

Meanwhile, the much-ballyhooed Redskin offense got another type of scare.

A week after barnstorming to a 31-23 victory over Arizona, the Redskins crossed the 50-yard line once (thanks to a dubious roughing-the-passer call) and collected 179 yards.

The Redskins’ only touchdown came on a punt return.

“We got clobbered,” Spurrier said. “Philadelphia outplayed us and out-coached us. I apologize to Redskin fans.”

Had Spurrier been wearing a visor, he would have thrown it into the upper deck. Instead, the $5 million-a-year coach let loose with a lip-flapping raspberry that “Monday Night Football” caught on camera and played over and over in super-slo-mo.

The Redskins changed quarterbacks at halftime--Danny Wuerffel replaced Shane Matthews, who left because of a sore shoulder--but their worst quarterback problem was wearing a Philadelphia uniform. Donovan McNabb ran for a touchdown, threw for two more, and generally made life miserable for the Redskin defense.

“When you have a quarterback like McNabb you have to get to him,” said linebacker Jeremiah Trotter, who defected from the Eagles to the Redskins before the season.

“When he gets outside the pocket, we’ve all got to swarm to him and bring him down.”

Dorsey Levens led all rushers with 65 yards in six carries, most of the yards coming on a 47-yard touchdown run. Teammate Duce Staley had 22 touches (15 carries, seven catches); James Thrash and Jeff Thomason caught touchdown passes.

With 451 yards, the Eagles nearly tripled the Redskin output.

With 6:38 remaining and the outcome essentially decided, the game took a bizarre turn. There was a fight in the stands behind the Eagle bench, and a Prince George’s County police officer trying to break it up was pulled into the skirmish. One or more of the other officers used pepper spray to end the incident, but the powerful cooling fans aimed at the players caused the spray to spread.

When the stadium announcer informed the crowd a substance had been released near the Eagle bench, the spectators and players quickly moved out of the area, holding hands, T-shirts, jerseys, anything to cover their faces. Officials conferred at midfield to discuss what to do next.

“You just want to take precautions,” said Washington linebacker Jesse Armstead, who breathed through a towel until the all-clear announcement. “We’ve all got families. I was ready to get out of there if it came to that.”

The Redskin offense could have used a quick exit. Besides a no-look shovel pass by Matthews and a switcheroo by cornerback Champ Bailey, who lined up at running back for one play and promptly fumbled, the unit was as colorless as Spurrier’s cheeks. Some of the credit has to go to the Eagle defense, of course, which crumbled in a season-opening loss to Tennessee and was hell-bent on redemption.

“It was embarrassing, and that’s about all you can say,” Matthews said.

The last time a Spurrier offense went without a touchdown in a game was in 1992, when his Florida Gators were stymied by Mississippi State. From the way things looked Monday, such blankings could come often this season.

“When [the Redskins] get hot, they score a lot of points and go on a roll,” Eagle linebacker Shawn Barber said. “But when they don’t, they don’t. Tonight, the timing just wasn’t there for them.”

Matthews completed 10 of 22 passes for 62 yards--his longest pass play netting 14 yards--and threw one interception. Wuerffel had an even worse night, rolling up 57 yards on six-of-nine passing with one interception and four sacks.

“Danny had a lot of pressure in there,” Spurrier said of his Heisman Trophy-winning passer from Florida. “He did some funny things at times.”

Washington’s lone touchdown came on a 90-yard punt return by Jacquez Green in the second quarter. The runback was so fast, the untouched Green had ample time to pump his fist as he glided across the goal line. That cut the Eagle lead to 14-7 and had the crowd of 84,982 on its feet. Thousands of those fans were on their feet in the third quarter too--heading for the exits.

The Eagles showed some mercy. They worked the ball deep into Washington territory at the end of the game, then ran a half-hearted play on fourth-and-four at the five, losing a yard but letting the clock wind down.

“It should have been 40-7,” said Spurrier, famous for running up the score at Florida. “I still don’t know why they didn’t kick the field goal.”

Which brings us to the next lesson: don’t give them any ideas.