A chalupa candidate?

The Cruzinator just can’t catch a break. In addition to the “humor problem” we wrote about this week (more on that in a moment), now he’s being ignored by a major poll.

On Thursday, public opinion experts at Taco Bell announced a scientific poll in which voters choose their favorite candidate by the type of taco they buy. For example, all beef crunchy taco purchases made until Oct. 7 will be logged as votes for Arnold Schwarzenegger. Gray Davis fans can show their loyalty by ordering chicken soft tacos (no symbolism there, eh?).

But if voters want to say “Yo quiero Bustamante,” they’re out of luck. The lieutenant guv doesn’t have his own menu item in the poll. Instead, he’s lumped in with 134 other candidates under the banner of “grilled stuft burrito.”

When asked for comment, Bustamante spokesman Luis Vizcaino told us, “I’m in shock.” He promised to call back with an official statement from Bustamante HQ, but he never did, presumably because the candidate was too devastated by the news.

Meanwhile, a Taco Bell spokeswoman said: “If Cruz Bustamante wants his own product, he’ll have to contact us directly. Maybe he can be the chalupa.”

The Taco Bell snub is more proof that Bustamante’s gubernatorial bid isn’t being taken seriously. Late-night comedians have also been ignoring him. To help level the playing field, we launched a Bustamante joke contest this week. Entries have poured in from as far away as India, but most are pretty weak. Please, no more “Cruz control” gags. We also have a surplus of jokes involving Tom Cruise, Penelope Cruz and the word “bust.” The deadline for entries is Tuesday.

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Psychic movie bureau

Is the gubernatorial campaign real life or a scene from “Demolition Man: The Prequel”? Ten years ago, Sylvester Stallone played a cop who was cryogenically frozen and then defrosted in 2032 to capture a criminal who had also been thawed from the past. Upon awakening, Stallone gets an update on what has happened while he was on ice, including the shocking news that actor Schwarzenegger had become president. Stallone’s character learns that Schwarzenegger had entered politics and then organized a constitutional amendment to allow foreign-born presidents.

“Demolition Man” screenwriter Peter M. Lenkov says the Schwarzenegger bit was “sort of an inside joke. Arnold had always talked about going into politics, so when we started thinking about what the future would be like for the movie, we wanted to make the president somebody recognizable.... I’m pretty sure it was Stallone’s idea. It was meant to play off his box-office rivalry with Schwarzenegger.”

Incidentally, the only surviving restaurant in this futuristic vision? Taco Bell.

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Late-night blotter

“If Arnold is elected, you know who I’d feel sorry for? The people on death row. Imagine, you’re about to be executed, the governor calls, you think it’s your reprieve, and you hear ‘Hasta la vista, baby.’ ” (Jay Leno)

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Senior advisor: Mark Sachs. “Recall Madness” runs on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays in Calendar. E-mail comments or ideas to roy.rivenburg@latimes.com.