An Idea That’s More to His Taste

An editor of mine used to complain that of every 20 column ideas she offered me, I rejected 19.

She was a glass-half-empty kind of person. Instead of lamenting the 19 that fell by the wayside, she should have celebrated the one left standing.

That’s how I saw it.

Profusely grateful on those rare occasions when one of her ideas clicked, I embraced it as representing one less that I had to think of. It was as true then as today: There’s no greater gift than a good column idea. It’s my favorite year-round stocking stuffer.

As that editor (and all those who preceded and followed her) proved, though, not everyone is adroit at coming up with crack ideas. That’s no knock, because it’s difficult to pick columns for other people. Imagine someone else planning your menu every day. They’d pick foods tasty to them, but not necessarily suitable to your palate.

Not to be unkind, but a lot of ideas given by editors over the years have made me lose my appetite.

Sometimes, the fates intervene.

An editor recently suggested a column on the outfit that lets people “name a star” in some distant galaxy after a family member or friend -- for a mere $50 or so. He seemed vaguely suspicious of the concept and wondered who’d fall for it.

That idea died when I sheepishly told him that my siblings and I got one for Mom last year.

So, you see how fragile these things can be. Another editor once suggested it’d be fun reading if I got a backpack and hiked around Orange County, talking to people I met on the street. Sort of a Johnny Appleseed with a laptop.

I patted him on the head, gave him a cookie and asked him to leave me alone.

By now, I hope you’re seeing that my job is incredibly difficult and are wondering how I hold up under the strain.

Don’t fret; I manage. Still, I’m only human and was feeling the pressure again last week because my sister was in town for the holidays and asked me Thursday night to take in “The Lord of the Rings” with her and our mother the next afternoon. Sort of a family Christmas thing, and you know what saying no to that can mean for group harmony.

She suggested a 2:30 p.m. Friday showing, which had the unfortunate timing of being in the middle of my workday. So, just before bedtime Thursday, I mentioned to Sissy and Mommy that, absent a column idea for the next day, I wouldn’t be done in time to join them. “Enjoy the movie without me,” I said.

Well, that only inspired Woodward and Bernstein to sharpen their pencils the next morning over coffee before I awakened. When I greeted them, Sissy handed me a three-page handwritten list of ideas that could be done by noon and gave me a “Go to it!” send-off.

Samples:

“Even Chocolate Lovers Say No More Chocolates, Thank You.”

“Tuna Noodle Casserole Before Christmas Now Has Turned Green.”

“Tell Mom Not to Visit Anymore Because She Brings Rain.”

Fabulous ideas, every one, especially the tuna brainstorm. You’re probably wondering why I didn’t settle on one of them.

What can I say? For one reason or another, none grabbed me. Instead of going in the paper, they will die in a pauper’s grave, leaving others to wonder what might have been.

Mind you, I’m not complaining. And to show I was a good sport, I went to the movie with them and put off doing the column.

As she was leaving town Saturday and I was leaving for work, Sissy was wondering whether I yet had an idea.

No, I didn’t. But as she headed back to Arizona, I assured her that I’d come up with something really, really good.

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Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. He can be reached at (714) 966-7821, at dana.parsons@latimes.com or at The Times’ Orange County edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626.