Dinner and a movie earn a thumbs down

Everything I’d heard about the Cinespace sounded swell. Dinner and a movie -- a 21st century take on the supper club, but instead of big bands, we’d watch an independent feature on the big screen.

Though I tried calling the new Hollywood venue several times to make a reservation, there always seemed to be a private party. Finally, I secured a table for a recent Friday night for a screening of “Rumble Fish.” The film rang only a vague bell, but since it’s one of Francis Ford Coppola’s, how bad could it be?

Parking info is essential. There’s a valet half a block from Cinespace on the corner of Hollywood Boulevard and Cosmo Street. But when we pulled up, the valet asked for $6 upfront. As I watched my car disappear, I noticed a sandwich board that read “fixed rate valet parking,” but the price was covered over with gaffer’s tape. Great.

Cinespace is upstairs, halfway between Cosmo and Ivar streets -- past the security at the door. Then past the bar, where a handful of hipsters milled about, and down a brick-lined corridor to the main screening room, where tables are lined up along the walls and in rows facing the screen.

Could anyone have designed a sofa more uncomfortable than these, with their low backs? Small wonder only eight tables were taken. We tried to decipher the one-page menu as a slide show of still photography flashed on the screen, but eventually resorted to a tiny flashlight.

By the time the food came, the film had started and we couldn’t see a thing on our plates. It’s nerve wracking to dig into a pizza when you don’t know what’s there. The salad was a heap of overdressed baby spinach with “forest mushrooms” and lardons with fried shallots cascading down its sides. The pizza was unconventional, to say the least: grilled dough with a topping that slid off the minute we picked it up. It was quite awful.

Fortunately, we were distracted by the jittery black-and-white feature, whose main interest is its cast of young hopefuls -- Matt Dillon, Nicolas Cage, Diane Lane and Mickey Rourke, with Tom Waits doing a cameo.

Before we could have possibly finished our first courses (that is, assuming we wanted to), our waiter was back with the main courses: a cineburger, which barely passed muster, and buttermilk fried chicken that made the Colonel’s seem like home cooking. My dry martini was the sole saving grace. The only wines on offer are Niebaum-Coppola (because of the film, said the waiter) and a couple of house wines.

Somehow this dinner and a movie doesn’t have the allure I thought it would. Downstairs, the velvet rope was up and about a dozen hopefuls were clustered in front. “How are the drinks?” yelled one eager fellow.

“Fine,” I had to say. “Fine.”

*

Cinespace

Where: 5356 Hollywood Blvd., Hollywood

When: Open Tuesday through Saturday for dinner, 6:30 to 11:30 p.m.; film starts at 7:45; bar open till 2 a.m.

Cost: Appetizers, $8 to $14; main courses, $12 to $26; $25 minimum per person in the theater. Valet parking, $6

Info: (323) 817-3456