Chat With Dodger GM Goes Nowhere in a Hurry

Here’s how things are going for the lifeless Dodgers these days. Two hours before Brian Jordan Bobblehead night in Dodger Stadium, the Micro Manager announced Jordan had been put on the disabled list and would not be at the game.

(As much as he has contributed recently, too bad they didn’t have time to replace the Bobblehead boxes with milk cartons and put Jordan’s picture on the back of them.)

The Bobbleheads were still a big hit with the fans, of course, because around here you take the hits anyway you can get them.

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MONDAY WAS an off day for the Dodgers, but then, aren’t they all these days?

I went golfing, figuring it was my best chance to run into Bogey Boy, you know, Dan Evans, the team’s clueless general manager. I never saw him, so I presume he spent his day on the fairway.

I called the Dodgers on Tuesday and asked if I could make meaningful eye contact with Bogey Boy before the game with the San Diego Padres, and they promised they’d produce him. I guess they’d like to see him sweat a little, too.

As you know, Evans continues to remain cool, contending this is no time to panic in Dodgerland, and so I began my Bogey Boy quiz by asking him how long he’s been out of touch with reality?

“I talk to my staff every day,” he said, “and I don’t sense an air of panic in them either.”

Your staff works for you ... what would you expect your staff to say? The New York Mets traded Roberto Alomar on Tuesday, the Marlins said they will keep Mike Lowell for the remainder of the season and Jordan just went on the disabled list. You and your staff might be the only ones in Southern California who aren’t panicking.

“That’s your evaluation,” he said, and you thought I was making that stuff up about him being clueless.

I told him the Dodgers’ chances of making a serious playoff bid were beginning to slip away.

“Slip away?” he said with surprise, and I guess he’s not listening to the games on radio while out on the golf course. “That’s your opinion, and I don’t hold your opinion in as high a regard as our senior staff.”

I guess we know part of the Dodgers’ problem: Evans’ staff. I’d like to see their expense accounts, because by the sound of it, the whole group must be out to lunch most of the time.

“You have no idea what you’re doing,” I said.

“That’s your opinion, and I don’t put much value in it,” he said.

As you can see, our conversation was going very well. I told Bogey Boy he has done a horrible job offering Dodger fans any hope of better days ahead.

“I’m out in the stands all the time,” he said. “They know we’re doing all we can to improve this team.”

I stopped him right there. I don’t believe most Dodger fans would agree Evans & His Out-to-Lunch Staff are doing everything they can to improve this team. I said let me put it to an e-mail referendum, and see what Dodger fans have to say, and he said fine, because he’d never see the results.

“I read Page 1 to the very last page of the L.A. Times, but there are certain portions of the paper I pass over because they don’t have any information,” he said, like I really care if he reads sports columnist Bill Plaschke or not. “I didn’t read the [Bogey Boy Sunday] article,” or for that matter anything else I write.

Now we know why he often appears so clueless.

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THAT REMINDS me, I was listening to Fred Roggin on the radio.

Fred was saying, “I think [the Dodgers] doing pretty well right now,” and since the Dodgers were coming off three straight losses to the Angels, I can’t wait to hear how he gushes after a Dodger victory.

Fred, of course, is doing daily interviews with Jim Tracy on the radio, and I guess if you’re subjected to a steady dosage of denial, it’s not surprising you’re going to start losing it like the Micro Manager.

But come on, even though there is half a season yet to play, the Dodgers are disintegrating before our eyes. Dave Roberts just left the game with an aggravated hamstring and Jolbert Cabrera has replaced him, and that ball rolling to the center-field fence just bounced off Cabrera’s glove. Adrian Beltre has already hit into a double play, the Dodgers’ request to let Fred McGriff move from base to base in a wheelchair has been denied, and with runners on first and third, Shawn Green flied out to left to end the inning and start the booing.

Hideo Nomo couldn’t protect a 1-0 lead, and if he can’t do that, he shouldn’t be pitching for the Dodgers. Odalis Perez might have ruffled the feelings of some of his teammates for suggesting he’d like a little offensive support, and he’ll probably have to apologize to them now for telling the truth.

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BOGEY BOY, meanwhile, sits back and has lunch with his staff.

“I haven’t hit my own golf ball all summer long,” he said, which raises the question, whose ball has he been hitting? “There are only so many hours in a day.”

I know the Dodgers made it clear when they hired Evans his job was to rein in the team’s payroll. But I worry now his interest in fiscal responsibility has become more important as Fox attempts to sell -- and we will see nothing dramatic to help the Dodger cause.

A new owner, who would probably take control after the season, will be more interested in the profitability of the Dodgers than the team’s 2003 place in the standings, which makes you wonder, is Evans more accountant now than GM?

“To accuse me of something like that is absolutely inaccurate,” Evans said. “Our goal is not to be just competitive; we want to win and win the World Series.”

We’ll see.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.