Bad Boys II Arrives a Bit Early in Chicago

If umpires felt uneasy about working baseball games in Chicago before, now they have to worry as much about being attacked by wacko players as they did by wacko fans.

On one day this week, the White Sox traded for both umpire-spitting-on second baseman Roberto Alomar and umpire-bumping outfielder Carl Everett.

But if the newest Sox might not be the best of citizens, fans of the team are, according to Chicago Tribune columnist Rick Morrissey, “about to the point where we’ll embrace a telemarketer if he can drive in a few runs.”

As for clubhouse chemistry, Morrissey says not to worry about that, either.

“This is a team,” he wrote, “that knows how to deal with odd personalities, Frank Thomas possessing about 15 of them.”

Silent treatment: White Sox catcher Sandy Alomar says his brother got a bad rap in New York, in part because he is quiet and private.

“As long as he busts his butt, I don’t care if he talks to anybody,” he told Chicago Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti. “I don’t even care if he talks to me.”

Trivia time: Carlos Delgado of the Toronto Blue Jays began Thursday’s game against Baltimore with 91 runs batted in, on pace to become the third player in major league history to drive in 100 before the All-Star break. Which two players have done it?

Miss Congeniality: Lisa Guerrero, new “Monday Night Football” sideline reporter, in a recent Q & A with Sports Illustrated, was asked the first question she would pose to oft-injured Baltimore Oriole pitcher Scott Erickson -- whom she is dating -- if she had to interview him after a game.

Her reply: “How’s that shoulder injury coming along, mister?”

Sounds like the same hard-hitting reporter we knew in L.A.

Juiced: San Francisco Chronicle columnist Scott Ostler on Guerrero’s new gig: “I wish Lisa luck, but nobody will ever fill O.J.’s shoes.

“Or find them.”

Alarming: Russian teenager Maria Sharapova will either save tennis as a spectator sport or destroy it, predicts Orlando Sentinel columnist Jerry Greene.

“She’s lovely to look at and horrendous to hear,” Greene wrote. “I don’t know how to write a description of the noises she makes on court, but the Guardian newspaper in London said she sounds ‘as if she has swallowed a swozzle.’ ”

Which sounds like?

“Don’t ask,” Greene added, “because I don’t know.”

Also alarming: Kampgrounds of America Inc. is heralding a 5% increase in foreign visitors using KOA parks and a 15% increase in foreign campers using recreational vehicles.

As if more people navigating our highways in mammoth Winnebagos is good.

Trivia answer: Hank Greenberg of Detroit, 103 in 1935, and Juan Gonzalez of Texas, 101 in 1998.

And finally: Christian Gimenez of FC Basel in the Swiss Premier League is threatening to strike back against soccer authorities who would sanction players for ripping off their shirts after scoring a goal.

“I’ll just have to pull down my shorts in the future,” he said.

-- Mike Hiserman