As I write this, the Dodgers are at .500, but if you believe the organization’s spin, they may as well be 10 games out in front without a care in the world. So, since the Dodger organization has chosen to ignore reality, I decided team spokesman Derrick Hall should be replaced by the former Iraqi information minister, Mohammed Said Sahaf: An interview with the new spokesman may go as follows:
Reporter: What do you think about the Giants being six games in front and it’s only May?
Sahaf: Giants? What Giants? There are no Giant infidels in front of us. We slaughtered them yesterday. They are no match for us, praise God.
Reporter: But you’re in third place and the team is last in home runs and fourth-worst in the league in hitting. On top of that, you refuse to go out and get another bat.
Sahaf: Nonsense! We are in first place and we have all the best hitters. All the National League infidels envy us from the depths of their fiery cellars. We were World Series champions last year and we will be again this year and next year, God willing.
Reporter: Uh, the Angels were the World Series champions last year.
Sahaf: Ha! So you believe the infidel propaganda with their phony television feeds and their fancy broadcast trickery. I say we won last year, and every year before that! We will drive the infidel teams to their destruction, running like scared pigs into their clubhouses in fear of our screaming line drives.
Reporter: God willing?
Sahaf: Yes, of course, God willing.
If the Dodgers pull off a deal that brings Mike Piazza back to L.A., they would then have the happy task of clearing off space on the outfield wall for a new portrait -- of Dan Evans.