Gen. Patton, er, Bratton, Turns Big Guns on Wrong Targets

He spoke his mind, so don’t expect any apologies.

(Wait a minute, now he’s sorry.)

Los Angeles Police Chief William J. Bratton is a tough guy.

(Hold on, he’s a softie.)

He’s Robert De Niro.

(Make that Andy Griffith.)

Seven months after coming to Los Angeles from New York, Chief Bratton is having an identity crisis. In a breakdown last week, he began thinking he was Dwight D. Eisenhower.

In practical terms, it’s all about Bratton’s battle with the City Council over his burning desire to hire and promote more cops in hard times. But really, it’s about style.

Nobody was happier than I was when Bratton swaggered into town and started popping off. Lazy cops, ruthless gangs, indifferent citizens -- he took swings at all of them before he’d even unpacked his bags, and I liked it.

Why?

Because half the people in charge of something around here are in a coma, and they needed someone to wake them up.

But here’s the thing:

You’ve got to know when to pick your battles, and how best to work the bag. If nothing else, you’d think a New Yorker would know how to fight.

Uh-uh.

Clever schmoozing, unabashed flattery, mild threats and a little arm-twisting would have gotten the job done for Bratton.

Instead, he charged around like a bull and bloodied the very people whose help he needed.

“Missing in action,” he said of City Council members when they dared balk at forking over the millions he demanded to reorganize the LAPD and hire 320 new officers.

The council said it had enough of a budget crisis without writing blank checks to Bratton.

“Let them start attending some of the funerals of the victims of crime,” he bellowed, suggesting that the council’s irresponsibility would surely result in Osama bin Laden himself riding here on a missile.

Even former LAPD Chief Daryl Gates, who constantly feuded with politicians, said he knew better than to tick off every council member at the same time. It’s simple math, Gates told me.

“Whenever I needed eight votes, I was able to get them, whether the mayor wanted me to or not.”

Speaking of the mayor, I’ll deal with Jim Hahn in a minute. But let’s get back to Bratton’s delusional tailspin.

“It’s like if Eisenhower at D-day had already launched the boats to go toward the beachhead at Normandy,” he said last week of his plan to save Los Angeles. “And then all of a sudden he gets the call from Roosevelt to have the boats circle for the next six months to see if we can afford the invasion.”

So how did Bratton’s grenade attack play out?

The L.A. City Council told him to stick it in his ear. By an 11-4 vote, they stiffed him.

It’s bad enough to pick a silly fight with a bunch of pantywaists and get pummeled. But then on Tuesday, Gen. Bratton was at the blackboard like a schoolboy, writing 15 times that he would not misbehave again.

I thought New Yorkers had more pride than that.

“Please accept my sincerest apologies,” Bratton wrote to each council member.

None of this bodes well for Los Angeles, and I’ll tell you why.

When it comes to leadership, Mayor Hahn is on training wheels. And who’s teaching him how to ride?

Bill Bratton, that’s who.

Hahn is like the quiet kid in school who doesn’t have many friends or much spunk -- until the new kid shows up one day. He’s a popular little cuss, this new kid, and he adopts the admiring wallflower as his apprentice.

So there was Hahn, tagging along with Bratton on the police hiring issue, mouthing off as if he were a tough guy too.

Don’t expect me to play “Mother May I,” the mayor snapped at the council.

It was painful, and a reminder that, for better or worse, a man’s got to live in his own skin.

In a completely unprovoked barrage, Hahn then lashed out at nemesis -- and former L.A. police chief -- Councilman Bernard C. Parks, who opposed the Bratton-Hahn police plan.

Hahn essentially said the former chief didn’t measure up to Bratton, and was in no position to second-guess him.

It was the kind of outburst that suggests Hahn routinely bolts upright in the middle of the night, screaming Parks’ name.

“When you run out of substance, you throw insults,” Parks said sympathetically.

Hahn even got a lecture from lame duck City Councilman Nick Pacheco, of all people, who said it’s unfortunate that Slim Jim thinks L.A. has “a strong-mayor” form of government.

So maybe he is a little delusional. But how can he not be, when his partner, Gen. Bill Bratton (rhymes with Patton), is talking about launching the boats toward the beachhead at Normandy?

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Steve Lopez writes Sunday, Wednesday and Friday. Reach him at steve.lopez@ latimes.com.