He’ll Go We-We-We All the Way to Big Easy

We won!

This is why we are diehard Trojan fans, for chest-thumping moments like this, and as USC wide receiver Mike Williams put it so well after pounding the Bruins, “I think everybody at UCLA wishes they were here.”

Can you imagine waking up today a Bruin fan?

I cannot imagine an existence any more miserable unless you are a Bruin/Dodger/Clipper fan who also likes to watch hockey and have season tickets for the Sparks’ games. And the wife likes to go to the games with you.

“We won!” I said, while slapping St. Pete on his Gatorade-drenched back, and he laughed. “Just another fair-weather fan,” he cracked, as if Mr. Pacific has been some kind of Trojan fan all his life.

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HEY, NOW that it appears USC is going to be playing for the national championship Jan. 4 and beat UCLA every year, this might be the time for the downtrodden, and you know who I’m talking about, to become true-blue Trojan fans.

I think I know the USC administration pretty well, and for a fee or donation they’ll do most anything, including organizing another support group for folks who would like to have a good time again going to a college football game.

We won! And Holy Toledo, it appears UCLA will never beat USC again, or even keep the final score close.

“There’s a difference between the two programs now, and it’s obvious,” St. Pete said, and in the last three years under his leadership the Trojans have destroyed the Bruins by a combined score of 126-43. “We’re a very young football team and we’re excited about the future.”

That’s also pretty much the Bruins’ annual cry: Just wait until next year.

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THE FUTURE for the Bruins rests with Coach Karl Dullard. Sorry.

The good news -- for USC fans -- is that he probably has at least two more years on the job to try to fix things before there’s an uprising.

After his first cross-town loss, something St. Pete has yet to experience, he said, “There are no answers why we are where we are and why they are where they are.” If I’m a Bruin fan -- and something pretty drastic would have to happen overnight for that to be the case -- I might be a little concerned to learn the guy in charge of having all the answers has none.

“There’s a reason why I’m here,” he added, and right now I have to believe it’s to provide a big boost to USC’s bowl hopes every year about this time.

As St. Pete said later, “They never threatened [on offense] when the game was on the line,” and offense is supposed to be Coach Dullard’s strength.

We scored as many points on defense as UCLA scored on offense.

Coach Dullard brought the West Coast offense with him, and last week defended its effectiveness, saying, “I drank the Kool-Aid.” I thought the folks who drank the “Kool-Aid” ended up goners.

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NOW I know it wasn’t that long ago when some folks around here thought it was a Bruin town. But I believe the facts now demonstrate: We rock!

We had scored four touchdowns and kicked a field goal before Matt Clark picked up a blocked PAT and ran down the field to score two points for the losers. The Bruin fans waved their pompoms, four guys ran onto the field with banners spelling out UCLA, and the cheerleaders did cartwheels in the end zone. Who could blame them for thinking they might not get the chance to celebrate again?

There didn’t seem to be as many Bruin fans in the stands as usual with an announced crowd of more than 93,000. “Most of them didn’t come, knowing they’d just lose,” Williams said.

USC, meanwhile, has a shot of setting an all-time single-season attendance record for the Coliseum with a good showing against Oregon State in two weeks. Maybe the Trojans already have more true-blue fans than we thought.

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THE ONLY thing standing between the Trojans and a national championship date now is Oregon State Coach Mike Riley, and how crazy is that? Riley could have had the USC job that belongs to St. Pete, and he was a finalist for the UCLA job, which went to Coach Dullard. This is no time for him to make his mark in L.A.

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IN THE first quarter, it was announced that Williams had five catches for 77 yards. A minute later they announced Williams had five catches for 81 yards. You know you’re having a good day when you do nothing and pick up four yards.

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WILLIAMS CAUGHT a touchdown pass, and then stood at attention and delivered a salute, which drew a penalty flag for unsportsmanlike conduct. I guess the referees were trying to nip another Keyshawn Johnson in the bud.

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THE TOWEL WAVER, who has the best winning percentage as head football coach in UCLA’s history, took exception to a USC player bumping one of the Bruins a little late and came on the field waving his towel above his head. The referee announced to the crowd that UCLA had been given its first sideline warning. I was impressed the ref didn’t mistake it for a sign of surrender.

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BEFORE THE game they had “Lexus” logos attached to the nets behind both goalposts. As I anticipated, they were removed, an obvious distraction to USC’s kickers, who are undoubtedly aiming for BMWs.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Jim Campbell:

“I certainly would never wish ill will on anyone, but I am amazed at your approach and ability to infuriate everyone. I’d like to suggest a ‘Write T.J.’s Epitaph’ contest. I’m sure the responses would be numerous and clever. What do you think?”

I believe I always get the Last Word.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.