If You’re Gonna Commit a Crime, It’s Handy to Have a Few Stories Ready

You have to give a West L.A. burglary suspect credit for imagination.

Stopped by police as he ran down the street, he explained that he was just out for a jog, reports the Thin Blue Line, an LAPD newspaper. Only problem was that police noticed someone else was jogging behind him -- the owner of the house that had just been burglarized.

Tell me a story: The exercise excuse reminded me of the jail escapee who was captured while in an apartment pool in Pasadena. The guy claimed he was just taking a swim -- on a chilly December morning. While clad in nothing but his underpants.

Then there was the bathrobe-clad gentleman who came to the door of a Los Feliz apartment and told arriving police he was the victim of a robber.

Actually, police discovered, he was the intruder, clad in the victim’s robe.

And let’s not forget the duo who escaped from jail, daubed white paint on their prison stripes and tried to pass themselves off as handymen.

Whoops. that was the plot of a Laurel & Hardy movie, though I wouldn’t be surprised if someone had tried the gambit in real life.

A tough adverbial relationship: I hope that one of Gov. Schwarzenegger’s first acts is to gather a team of experts to come up with a synonym for some modifiers that Caltrans can’t seem to spell. The agency struggled with “temporarily,” then turned to a replacement, without much luck, as you can see from the shots by Ken Green and Bob Padgett (see photos). Notice also that Caltrans lengthened February considerably this year.

Not flushed with success: Mike Peck sent along an e-mail of an insurance agent, who committed a disastrous malapropism (see accompanying).

Well, college is a time for learning: The Student Life newspaper at Pomona College said campus police received an emergency call from someone who reported “hearing a shrill female scream” outdoors just before midnight.

The cops investigated and were told by the issuer of the scream that she just “wanted to know how loud it would echo.”

miscelLAny: Bill Farris saw an ad by a carpet store that guaranteed a “lifetime exchange policy.” Fine, except it was for a “going out of business” sale.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, ext. 77083, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.