Required reading for pundits

It was inevitable that book publishers would try to cash in on California’s Cirque du Sacramento. According to highly unreliable sources, several titles are already in the works, including: “Running for Governor for Dummies,” “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Defeating a Recall,” “Dr. Atkins’ Total Recall Diet” and “Chicken Soup for the Fringe Candidate’s Soul.”

The Dummies guide to becoming governor covers such topics as: “How to form a right-wing conspiracy (without Hillary Clinton finding out),” “Creating a statewide energy crisis to make the incumbent look bad -- in three easy steps” and “How to appeal to the political left, right and center without compromising your lack of principles.”

The Idiot’s Guide to beating a recall has chapters on “The art of pandering: How to look gubernatorial while shaking down lobbyists,” “Developing a personality in just 7 weeks” and “Blame games: How to divert media attention from your failures by planting stories about your past smooch-a-thon with Cybill Shepherd.”

Recall randomness

Miscellaneous notes from the campaign trail:

* One of the nation’s preeminent political journals, Entertainment Weekly, has endorsed a candidate. “In former child star Gary Coleman, we’ve got a guy who’s faced every pitfall the writers of ‘Diff’rent Strokes’ could throw at him, from the savage bullying of the Gooch to racism to an exhausting two-parter guest-starring David Hasselhoff. The man has seen hell. He can certainly handle Sacramento.”

* The Harbor UCLA Research & Education Institute invites porn star-candidate (and well-known medical authority) Mary Carey to speak. Her topic: Sex and a Healthy Heart.

* Arnold Schwarzenegger has named educator Jaime Escalante as an advisor. Was Edward James Olmos not available?

* The word “gubernatorial” has been banished from newscasts on

Sacramento’s KCRA-TV. “We’re trying to write in the way that people speak,” KCRA news boss Dan Weiser told the Sacramento Bee. “Nobody says ‘gubernatorial.’ ”

* Arianna Huffington’s famous tax loophole trick included a $9,788 deduction for makeup and a makeup consultant, according to the San Jose Mercury News. Is she going for the Tammy Faye Bakker vote?

Quote of the day

From radio host Larry Elder, commenting on Fox News reports that Cruz Bustamante was, during college, a “moderate, not militant” member of MEChA, a Chicano group that wanted to liberate the Southwestern United States from “brutal gringo” invaders and return it to Mexico: “What is a moderate member of a racist organization? ‘I was a moderate member of the Klan’? I mean, imagine what would happen if a Republican were to make that statement.”

Late-night blotter

From David Letterman’s Top 10 things overheard at Schwarzenegger campaign headquarters:

7. Remember, when you’re shaking hands, ease up if you hear cracking.

4. I’m not sure saying, “Hasta la vista, baby” constitutes an outreach to Hispanic voters.

3. Who’s the actor who plays Gray Davis?

Senior advisor: Samantha Bonar, kausfiles, San Francisco Chronicle. “Recall Madness” runs on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays in Calendar. E-mail comments or ideas to roy.rivenburg@latimes.com. To view past columns, visit www.latimes.com/recallmadness.