Reminder to the Coroner’s Department: The Dodgers Aren’t Dead -- Yet

Sure, the team has the worst offense in the National League, leading some to say the Dodger bats are dead. And their playoff hopes are barely alive. But Lee Harris of Burbank was still surprised to see this announcement on the right-field scoreboard during a recent game: “Dodgers Welcome Dept. of Coroner.” Presumably, the visitors weren’t mixing business with pleasure.

Proof of a Dodger pulse: I felt better about the team’s health after I heard from Willa Nevieus of La Crescenta. Perusing the classified ads in her neighborhood newspaper, she noticed some Dodger tickets being offered in the “Livestock” section.

And I thought those were boos, not moos, that I heard at the stadium.

Harvey’s Weird World of Animals (cont.): Other specimens on exhibit today (see accompanying) include:

* Some birds that have a workout bench (Elizabeth Johnston of Chatsworth). Inspired by Arnold Schwarzenegger’s candidacy, no doubt.

* A crossing sign for something that sure doesn’t walk like a duck (Barney Ganga of Long Beach).

* A company truck’s partially hidden sign that makes it appear to be a mobile groomer, particularly of dachshunds (Dennis Drissi of Oxnard).

* And finally, an ad for furry critters that aren’t birds, ducks or even dachshunds (Jon Hutchison of Riverside).

Open wide: In an item the other day, I wrote, “Speaking of dental health,” and wondered whether anyone still makes the hard, chewy pellets known as Jujubes.

And Mark Temple of Huntington Beach wrote: “To continue your theme of dentists, and to answer your question: Yes, Jujubes are still around.

“My dentist uses them to remove stubborn temporary caps that won’t come off. Warm them slightly, bite down hard on the offending cap and open your mouth quickly and the tooth cap will stick to the Jujube and come off. The reason I know is that my dentist used them on me to remove a cap.”

MiscelLAny: Say, whatever happened to going Dutch treat? The Beach Reporter’s police log recounted this battery complaint: A “couple was drinking beer at their apartment and ran out of it. The man did not have any money to buy more, a verbal argument ensued and the woman hit the man.”

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.