Those Who Missed Out Didn’t Miss Very Much

Some of you probably wanted to watch the Dodger game on TV on Wednesday night. (No need to raise your hand and embarrass yourself).

But as you might have discovered, the Angels were on Fox Sports Net, the Clippers on Fox Sports Net 2, and there was no place for the Dodgers.

It’s not every night you get the chance to watch the Clippers go for a 12th straight loss. Maybe every year, but not every night.

FSN and FSN2, which have the potential to reach 4 million viewers, kept Vin Scully & Crew at work and made the game available to cable outlets.

Several outlets picked up the game, and an FSN spokesman said it looked as though somewhere between 1 million and 2 million viewers might still have the chance to watch the game.

“That is if they were able to find the channel the game was on,” said Fox Sports Net publicist Dennis Johnson.

More than 2 million people, however, had no opportunity to see the game, so as a public service I thought it would be good on my part to give you a factual picture of what happened last night inning-by-inning. I think it might even be fun to rely on facts for a change on Page 2.

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FIRST INNING: Organist Nancy Bea Hefley has accompanied the singing of the national anthem more than 1,300 times in Dodger Stadium. She tried to keep pace with Lowell Bassett’s speedy rendition, her finger slipped and she hit a wrong note. First error ever recorded by an organist in Dodger Stadium.

Jeff Weaver took the mound for the Dodgers. It became obvious right away why the Dodgers traded for him: He rented a luxury suite for family and friends to watch him pitch -- much to the delight of the Boston Parking Lot Attendant. No one scored for either team, but Cesar Izturis singled for the Dodgers while batting left-handed, his fifth hit from that side of the plate this year. The ball will be sent to the Baseball Hall of Fame.

SECOND INNING: You should see this guy Weaver; oh, that’s right, you can’t. He has wild hair and wears a necklace -- I’ve never understood why an athlete would dress up like the wife to go pitch. Got to admit, though, he looked really pretty, which seemed to unnerve the Padres, who didn’t seem to know whether they should hit him or hit on him. They failed to score. Padre pitcher Adam Eaton looked like any other pitcher, and it seemed to unnerve the Dodgers, who failed to score.

THIRD INNING: Weaver pitched five years in the American League, so he was taken by surprise when Eaton, the pitcher, came to the plate with a bat in his hand. Eaton doubled to left and later scored the first Padre run. Weaver got his chance. He hit a ball about 375 feet shy of Eaton’s clout, beat it out for a single and tied the score on Milton Bradley’s ground out. Both pitchers scored, and Major League Baseball’s new slogan for 2004 is: “I live for this?”

FOURTH INNING: Look at the cute little girl sitting in the first row eating ice cream. “Bless your soul, sweetie. Not a care in the world. Ah, isn’t she wonderful, folks?” The Padres don’t score. Jim Gott brings “young Sam” onto the field for the Coca-Cola Trivia Challenge and asks “young Sam” how many appearances Tom Martin made a year ago, as if “young Sam” has ever heard of the Dodger middle reliever. Gott shakes his head “no” to the first answer, urges the crowd to cheer for the second, and somehow “young Sam” gets it right. Coca-Cola has to give away free drinks because Gott cheated.

FIFTH INNING: You can’t beat fun at the old ballpark. Nothing happens in the fifth inning unless you count Tom Lasorda eating. Again.

SIXTH INNING: The Clippers are losing by only 21 at the half, so you can imagine how many people are excited they televised that game. They intend to televise two more Clipper games next week and keep the Dodgers off FSN and FSN2. It’s the only network I know that works hard to drive viewers away. Sorry, forgot about ESPN’s “Cold Pizza” and “Around the Horn.”

SEVENTH INNING: How does Vin do this night after night, year after year and remain awake? Now I know why he’s always telling us how the Giants are doing. He must be watching their game on DirecTV. Paul Lo Duca starts the bottom of the seventh with a double -- obviously fired up because Nancy Bea made it through “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” without goofing up. He gets to third and it’s up to Adrian Beltre to drive him home. I’d feel more comfortable if Nancy Bea picked up a bat. It’s still 1-1 after Beltre and Alex Cora fail to bring Lo Duca home. I sure hope Nancy Bea doesn’t end the night playing taps.

EIGHTH INNING: The paid attendance is 26,932. At this rate they won’t draw 3 million. The Screaming Meanie is going to be mad.

NINTH INNING: Here’s a fact for you. I’m going home if this goes into extra innings. The Dodgers call on Eric Gagne, which explains why no one has gone home. Just think of the money the Dodgers make selling concessions in the seventh, eighth and ninth innings to fans waiting to see Gagne. And the Dodgers refused to give him the money he wanted. Gagne is dominating as usual. Lo Duca is the winning run at second, and picture this: It’s up to Beltre to bring him home ... don’t worry if you couldn’t find the game on TV -- you didn’t miss anything you haven’t seen before.

When I left Nancy Bea was playing her little heart out, which is good, she obviously needs the practice.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in a message left on my answering machine:

“That’s great news -- The Times winning five Pulitzers. That must be some kind of newspaper, but it puzzles me -- why do they have you working for them? By the way, Tim’s doing fine, and so are our kids.”

Always nice to hear from my sister, Megan.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. For previous Simers columns, go to latimes.com/simers.