Injecting Some Perspective in an Otherwise Juicy Story

ESPN Sports Nation, which according to its website is “the meeting place for America’s sports fans,” conducted a poll responding to Jason Giambi’s grand jury revelation that he was all juiced up when hitting home runs.

I thought a tavern with lots of TVs where they serve cheap beer and have pretty waitresses in skimpy outfits delivering drinks with no wives allowed in the joint would be “the meeting place for America’s sports fans.”

That’s what I’ve been telling the wife all these years, and now I come to find out I could’ve stayed home on the computer and had her serving me cheap beer while wearing her baggy sweats.

In fact, while waiting for her to serve me Thursday, I took a look at the latest ESPN poll, and it said 93.2% of America’s sports fans not only care if baseball players use steroids, but consider it wrong and feel it taints the game.

The remaining 6.8% said no, “the more power hitters the better.”

I wasn’t surprised. I would think if you took a hard-core group of America’s sports fans, especially the kind who get their sports via the gospel according to ESPN, 93.2% would weigh in as hypocrites.

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HOW LONG have America’s sports fans guessed/known that baseball players have been using steroids? Only 7.5% of those polled reported that their first reaction upon hearing about Giambi’s testimony was “surprise.”

Asked if Giambi’s revelation changed their opinion about Barry Bonds’ possible use of steroids, 82.2% said, “I always thought Bonds used steroids.”

Given such results, how do 93.2% of America’s sports hypocrites, who think steroid use taints the game, explain baseball’s setting a single-season attendance record? And if 82.2% of America’s sports hypocrites think Bonds has used steroids, how do you explain fans’ voting Bonds as the Hank Aaron award winner this year?

As dull as the game of baseball can be, where would it be without its steroid users? The only reason to watch batting practice is to see how far the juiced-up players can hit the ball. Can you imagine a home-run contest without steroids?

Baseball is America’s pastime, all right, and we love to watch our steroid-juiced athletes perform. We also love to become indignant when we learn they have been using illegal performance-enhancing drugs.

We get the best of both worlds when a player is allowed to be productive on steroids only to be caught at the end of his career the way Giambi was. We have the pleasure of watching stars perform, then the thrill of discussing it after they’re caught. It’s sports at its arguable best.

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TODAY’S ATHLETES understand if they get bigger or faster, they get richer. Try to tell them they’re wrong.

In fact, most of us are steroid cheerleaders. It’s America’s sports hypocrites, and the media, too, who demand better performances from athletes for our entertainment. Those who give them are handsomely rewarded with huge contracts and endorsements.

ESPN, of course, is the nation’s leader in encouraging enhanced performances. One of the side effects of using steroids is that it gives you a better chance of getting on “SportsCenter.”

Personally, I’ve got no problem with every player in baseball corking his bat. I’d begin with Jason Grabowski, so at least he’d get the ball out of the infield. The way the opposition hit Dodger pitching, I’ve got to believe every one of them was using a corked bat or on steroids.

The windbags who talk about protecting the integrity of the game have obviously never sat through an entire game. The most exciting thing about baseball is the home run. The Angels shoot off fireworks. The Dodgers use flashing lights.

The more butts stuck with a needle, the more butts baseball is going to put in the stands and the more exciting the game is going to be.

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FRANK LYONS, better known as Lyons The Loser, the horse racing analyst for TVG, has agreed to take on Page 2 in Hollywood Park’s Jockey Contest for the Kids, which means the Mattel Children’s Hospital at UCLA is about to receive another nice donation.

Hollywood Park, which is donating 100 Julie Krone bobblehead dolls to the cancer-stricken kids for their Christmas party next week, also kicked in $2,500 for the Jockey Contest along with another $2,500 from TVG.

The Loser, 0-2 in previous contests demanding some kind of knowledge of horses, and Page 2 each selected three jockeys. The team of jockeys with the most wins over the final 15 days of Hollywood Park’s autumn meet collects $3,000 for the charity of their choice.

The Loser, playing on behalf of St. Margaret’s Center, which will probably receive $2,000 for finishing second in the two-man race, selected Rene Douglas, the meet’s leading rider, along with David Flores and Martin Pedroza.

After the first day of competition, The Loser’s team had zero wins.

Page 2, calling on the help of Alex Solis, who has donated to Mattel’s in the past and who is recovering from a spill and due back riding in February, selected Victor Espinoza, Tyler Baze and Felipe Martinez.

“I’m going to call my agent and get some more horses to ride,” Espinoza said after being advised he might want to do his best or read about it. “You’ve got me going; I’m going to have to try a little harder now to win.”

After the first day of competition, Page 2 had three wins, including one from Espinoza.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Glen:

“Milton Bradley was playing poker the other night with Marty McSorley?”

Just your typical friendly game of cards.

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Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.