Dodgers Still Can Use Some Significant Others

The Dodgers called a news conference Thursday but obviously were embarrassed and probably concerned that no one would make the drive to Anaheim for the signing of Jeff Kent, so they kept his identity a secret and said they had the signing of a “significant player” to announce.

They were lying, of course, probably to make Kent feel at home, because that’s what Kent is known best for, telling everyone he had hurt his wrist washing his truck when he later had to admit he was injured while doing wheelies on a motorcycle.

Anyway, I couldn’t imagine any significant player agreeing to play for the Dodgers, so I stayed in L.A. and listened to the news conference on mlb.com.

The first thing I heard was Kent crying. I wasn’t surprised. I would think that would be the first reaction of most players coming to the Dodgers these days, especially knowing they might be given the locker next to Milton Bradley.

Kent said he was emotional because he recalled going to Dodger Stadium with his dad, and now the Dodgers were giving him $17 million to come to their games. I began to tear up when I thought about that.

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THE DODGERS declined to say what position Kent will play because in reality they signed a designated hitter, and for a moment there maybe General Manager Paul DePodesta, who worked previously in Oakland, forgot which league he’s in.

If the Dodgers put Kent at second, they break up the best shortstop-second base combination in baseball. If they put Kent, who turns 37 in March, at third, that means Adrian Beltre, who turns 26 in April, will be on another team. If they put him at first, it’ll be an admission DePodesta traded for a stiff in Hee-Seop Choi.

Kent gives the Dodgers a right-handed hitter who is also a known malcontent, although DePodesta referred to him as a leader. To be honest, I’m excited; it just hasn’t been the same around here since Kevin Brown left.

Kent has the reputation for not getting along with his teammates, which seems to be the kind of athlete L.A. is best known for these days. He wasted no time, in fact, in belittling Beltre, Eric Gagne and Shawn Green.

He told the media he was happy to play for Manager Jim Tracy because “Jim was able to win last year with no franchise players.”

Holy Malone, the next thing we’ll probably hear is Beltre’s agent telling Fred Roggin in a radio interview that Beltre’s irate and he won’t be playing for the Dodgers. And Plaschke will write it’s all Kobe’s fault.

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DePODESTA WILL be a guest on the father-daughter gabfest on 690/1150 Sunday morning at 9, and we’re very excited because he has a history of saying really ridiculous things. This week he has already said, “Certainly if we started the season tomorrow, I would be comfortable” with Choi at first. Earlier he said, “I would take nine Milton Bradleys if I could get them.” Just imagine what he might say early Sunday morning while still not completely awake.

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THE DODGER website asks the following question: “Should Los Angeles pursue a trade for Mets catcher [and former Dodger] Mike Piazza?”

The question has drawn 16,822 responses with 63% voting “no,” because obviously why would the Dodgers need Piazza when they already have David Ross?

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THERE’S NOTHING more enjoyable than watching a really crummy team, you know, like the San Diego Chargers, play way over its head and win. They make blockbuster movies about lousy teams like this -- teams that suddenly get lucky.

We’re talking Marty Schottenheimer here as Coach Morris Buttermaker in “The Bad News Bears,” Drew Brees as Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn in “Major League” or the Spanos Goofs doing their Three Stooges act.

There’s no question this is a feel-good story because everybody adores an underdog, especially knowing the inferiority complex the little city of San Diego has, and how much sports success means to such a small town.

There might not be a better fair-weather city in the country than San Diego. Hard to argue that point. When these people get behind a Padre or Charger winner, they wave their “Thanks Tony” signs, sing about their “Super Chargers,” and give their conquering heroes new stadium deals.

The media, waving pompoms along with everyone else to further hype the hometown bolt hysteria, add to the small-town appeal.

It’s nice to watch from afar. It explains, in part, why we have zoos.

Last August, I fed the animals, suggesting USC could whip the Chargers.

“Well, you certainly were right on that call, huh?” wrote Dave Swisher in an e-mail, one of several I received from Charger fans. “Go back and reread that article now. Amazing, isn’t it? Yeah, I’m sure USC would be all over the Chargers.”

Well, there’s still no question about that! In fact, I probably deserve some credit from San Diego fans for predicting correctly the Chargers couldn’t hang with USC. The Chargers have already dropped three games; imagine what the BCS would do to them.

The Trojans have clinched a spot in the championship game, and I don’t think we’re going to see the Chargers when it comes time to play the big game in Florida.

For all those misguided e-mailers -- unlike CBS.sportsline.com and ESPN.com, which had the Chargers ranked last in their preseason power polls -- I never predicted where the Chargers would finish, unless matched against the Trojans. Unfortunately the Chargers don’t have a good enough record to play USC.

I just wanted to clear that up.

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.