John Waters, a stand-up guy for the holidays

With the opening sounds of the Chipmunks’ “Sleigh Bells” and the festive carol “Santa Claus Is a Black Man,” the crowd at the 9:30 Club sensed this would not be a Clay Aiken Christmas Special.

Mary Prankster, a Maryland singer with Betty Boop eyes and buzz-saw lyrics, opened, then closed with a plug for her signature thongs (“for those last-minute shoppers!”).

At 9:20 at the 9:30 Club one night this week, filmmaker John Waters glided on stage, wearing some sort of red smoking jacket, if that’s accurate. The point is, few people can pull off that look -- but few people can pull off Waters’ movies (“Hairspray,” “Pink Flamingos,” “Cry-Baby”), art, Broadway shows, writing and now a stand-up act. Stand-up? Like Jay Leno’s evil twin or something? Who knew?

But Waters is Waters is Waters. People will and did pay $25 to hear him talk. “I thought I’d dance ‘The Nutcracker’ for you,” Waters said. Instead, he took his audience on a merry roller-coaster ride for an hour and change. No, make that a Tilt-A-Whirl. Waters said he’s saving for a Tilt-A-Whirl, just $250,000 used.

As is his way, Waters took the opportunity to champion underground books and above-ground causes.

He revealed, for example, that he’s against the death penalty -- but not because he’s a liberal. “I’m just afraid I’ll get it,” he said. “I have bad nights.”

Waters loves Christmas. He loved being a kid and breaking into cars to steal Christmas presents, he said, then tossing the gifts into the Baltimore air. He remembers the late Divine nearly going to jail one year for writing bad checks to pay for gifts for all his friends. “He meant well,” the actor’s old friend and director said.

Before gliding off stage, Waters did tease the crowd with a possible idea for a new film. From his Rolodex of obsessions (Michael Jackson, death row, et al.), Waters pitched a movie about the idolatry of Mother Mary. He envisions Jane Fonda starring in “Manger Mania.”

Of course, Waters could be kidding, but does it matter?

“I want to be him when I get older,” said Zachary Petkanas, a 19-year-old student at George Washington University who saw the show.