Dodgers Come Up Short on New General Manager

First things first. If the Boston college kid who comes cheap to the Dodgers as the Boston parking lot attendant’s new general manager is breathing, he’s probably an upgrade over Kevin Malone and Dan Evans.

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BEYOND THAT, I know the Dodgers called a news conference Monday to tell everyone they had just hired the fourth-best GM prospect available in baseball to run their storied franchise. “We got No. 4, We got No. 4, We got No. 4.”

I found it interesting the Dodgers would quote such a thing from Baseball America in their own Paul DePodesta news release, so I asked the Boston parking lot attendant who borrowed everything to buy the Dodgers if there was a reason why he hadn’t hired Nos. 1, 2 and 3 on Baseball America’s list of top GM prospects.

And there was. He had no idea who they were. Some exhaustive search.

A little later in the day, a Dodger publicist called to say that executives from the Florida Marlins, Atlanta Braves and Philadelphia Phillies were all rated higher on the list than the Dodgers’ new guy. I’ve never seen the Dodgers react so quickly to belittle a new hire.

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THEY SERVED free food for Monday’s news conference, so like you, I was surprised not to see Stu Nahan. ESPN’s Peter Gammons, however, had reported a week ago that the Dodgers were going to hire DePodesta, so I’m not sure why anyone bothered to show up.

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FRANK McCOURT, the Dodger owner who we’re told lives in the same Boston area neighborhood as Gammons, disputed Gammons’ published report last week that he had been tipped that McCourt had already decided to hire DePodesta. I wonder where Gammons would get such an idea.

I took for granted Gammons’ report was accurate because McCourt was the same guy who was telling us that Evans was a legitimate candidate to remain as Dodger GM. I don’t necessarily need to see a growing nose to know I might be dealing with Pinocchio.

That’s why I suggested in a column last week that once the NBA All-Star game was out of the way, we would be called to attend a news conference Monday or today to hear of DePodesta’s hiring. That call came first thing Monday.

And now this: McCourt said Monday that Bob Graziano is the president of the Dodger organization, and later repeated it on the Fred Roggin radio show. You would think Roggin could get better guests.

Anyway, I asked McCourt why Graziano, the team’s president, had not been in attendance at the news conference for the naming of the team’s new GM.

“I don’t know,”McCourt said. “It’s a holiday, Presidents Day....”

I called Graziano. He declined to comment on his status with the Dodgers, but said, “I’m surprised that was the reason [holiday] given for me not being at the press conference. A holiday has never prevented me from doing my job.”

I remember when McCourt promised from the outset that he was going to be “transparent” in everything he did. Nice knowing you, Bob.

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McCOURT INSISTED again on opening the news conference with a dull speech. Instead of “A is for accounting, B is for baseball, baseball, baseball,” and C is for the continued comedy, we got the three things that McCourt says the Dodgers represent: “Innovation, tradition and stability.”

I would have put “not scoring runs” in there too.

McCourt said the new guy would bring stability to the Dodgers. I have no idea how he knows that. The new guy is No. 4, and from what we’ve heard, if someone kicks out his computer plug, he’s clueless. At best, it’s guesswork how long he lasts.

If stability is so important, then give Manager Jim Tracy a contract extension so he’s not a “lame duck.” Bad enough he’s known for giving lame interviews. Tracy still has a job, I presume, because McCourt doesn’t have the money to pay him off and hire a new manager after paying off Evans and Graziano.

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THE HIRING of DePodesta seems pretty simple. McCourt wanted to hire Oakland’s Billy Beane, couldn’t get Beane, and settled for a Beane protege who knows how to work without money to spend. McCourt said I was wrong, but then I’m not sure I believe much of anything McCourt has to say anymore.

DePodesta, meanwhile, said he didn’t really know enough about the Dodgers to comment, and McCourt said the thing he liked about DePodesta is he doesn’t have all the answers. So now the Dodgers have a guy who doesn’t know much and doesn’t have the answers. Happy days are here again.

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AS THE news conference continued, McCourt spent time praising Evans. He said, “He came to work every day,” like that was a good thing.

McCourt also mentioned his 13-year-old son, and said the kid wasn’t surprised to hear the Dodgers were hiring DePodesta because he had been reading the Internet. I asked whether the kid was reading Gammons’ stories.

McCourt said it was a Boston Red Sox fan site -- and I guess the kid has no interest in a Dodger fan site. McCourt said there was one e-mail that had praised DePodesta on the Red Sox fan site, which apparently was enough to convince McCourt to hire him.

McCourt also spent time talking about the Red Sox ad nauseam, made some joke about the New York Yankees and Red Sox and pointed to Boston’s young GM.

“You sure are stuck on the Red Sox,” I said, and McCourt muttered something about there being a lot worse teams out there.

I couldn’t agree with him more.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.