Sincerely, a Guy Who Made Sport of Lacrosse

Dear Lacrosse Fans:

I have heard you, and you are correct.

I am a moron, a numskull and a bleepin’ bleep. I dishonor my profession and, like you, I don’t know how I keep my job, either. You said I don’t know anything about your sport. You doubted I’d ever attended a lacrosse game. A few of you suggested I must have gender-identity issues to have criticized your sport in a column last week.

You couldn’t have been more on point. Little did I realize the column would provoke 100 of you, from the United States and abroad, to fire off e-mail. Your passion leaped from the smoking pages of your correspondence, singeing my eyebrows here in Southern California.

To the person who signed off “Your mother,” I know she didn’t write the note, but I agree with your key points: “You are a jackass from the West Coast who has no idea what he is talking about.... Your stupidity is unparalleled.”

To the gentleman who wrote, “I’d like to slash you across the mouth and see if you change your tune,” let me assure you that I would. I already have. While reading your letter, I began developing a deeper appreciation of the nuances of your sport and the fan base.

Who in their right mind would prefer cricket to lacrosse? Not me; that was all a terrible lie. Would it surprise you to learn I don’t know anything about cricket, either?

You’ve given me a number of reasons to embrace lacrosse. As Tim in Pennsylvania wrote, “I will be calling your editor and asking for your resignation on a weekly basis. And, yes, I travel for a living to L.A. quite often and will never read your paper again because of you.”

Or this from the “Goddess of Lacrosse”: “Just keep in mind that the athletes you laugh at carry big sticks and love to hit people, especially when their Goddess suggests it might be a good idea.”

In my foolishness, I thought it funny that Anaheim has lost an NFL team, can’t get an NBA team but has attracted a professional lacrosse team. Who knew my gibberish would be taken seriously?

What’s not to like about indoor lacrosse? As “Big Gabe” in Vermont writes: “It’s just plain fun. It’s a fast sport. Unlike soccer, you can score, but if you want to smash somebody, you’ve got to catch them. That’s why the little guys play. There’s no big mooses in it. There’s no place for them if they’re not fast, don’t play hard and run hard.”

Or as Julie writes: “Lacrosse players receive approximately $15,000 to $20,000 per season. Most have full-time jobs (firefighters, teachers, construction workers). Lacrosse players are ‘real people’ who are accessible to their fans. After each game, players and fans participate in an after-game party in a local establishment.”

One of these “real people” is the president of one of the National Lacrosse League teams’ fan club. He invited me to a game at his expense, complete with “luxury transportation” and a postgame trip to the locker room to meet the players.

That’s either a generous offer or a setup.

Some of you admitted that you began as skeptics before getting hooked. A Colorado man says he went to his first game on a lark and now holds season tickets. “Everyone we have taken to the games,” he writes, “has later gone back on their own to see another game.”

Can’t we all be friends?

If I promise never to bad-mouth lacrosse again, will you stop writing things like “You know what’s funny? The fact that you try to be so derisive and masculine with your little girl’s name?”

I’ll make a genuine effort during the Anaheim Storm season, which opens Saturday night at the Pond, to find out why people are so passionate about indoor lacrosse. Really. Promise. Just please, will you stop the e-mail?

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Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. He can be reached at (714) 966-7821, at dana.parsons@latimes.com or at The Times’ Orange County edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626.