Newsman to O.C.: Thanks for Nothin’

Small-town America’s standard lament is that nothing ever happens. That might explain why there are no great newspapers in communities of 200 people. Fact is, things there tend to be a little light in the “local news” department. And while a fair share of people prefer the slow pace, others long for the bada-bada-bing of America’s metropolitan centers and the persistent hum of activity they promise.

In other words, a place like Orange County and its nearly 3 million residents. Stick that many people into the Southern California megalopolis and just wait for the news to come pouring out, eh?

Not exactly.

In recounting the major news stories in California in 2003, the Associated Press came up with 85 entries, ranging from celebrity deaths to high-profile crimes to public-policy matters.

Of the 85, three had solely Orange County roots.

Three out of 85. That’s 3.5%. It’s almost as if we weren’t here in 2003. Or, if we were, nobody else noticed.

No local political figures did anything, apparently, to catch anyone’s eye. No local issue cracked the AP’s list. On a list of famous people who died (including Nell Carter, Bob Hope, Buddy Hackett and Robert Stack), none laid claim to Orange County. (How did Bobby Hatfield not make the list?)

So, the county suffered a double whammy: The people who lived here weren’t very newsworthy and neither were the people who died.

Some quick arithmetic tells me that Orange County has nearly 9% of California’s population. Can’t we produce more than 3.5% of the major stories of the year?

The news vacuum plays into the conventional thinking that not much happens in our burg. And yet, 2003 was hailed as the year Orange County finally shed its invisible suburb identity and entered the cultural big time. The Fox TV network introduced its hip new show “The O.C.” Almost simultaneously, USA Today dubbed Orange County “the new capital of cool.”

How could the new capital of cool produce so little news?

Bias, perhaps?

After all, what about 2003 national Monopoly champion Matt McNally, a grad student at UC Irvine? That sounds like pretty big news to me. Was that any less interesting than AP’s choice of “marijuana guru Ed Rosenthal” being freed after a one-day jail sentence?

Or, how did the AP overlook the significance of Orange County producing two hunks for network television: the star of the first “Joe Millionaire” and the guy who ultimately won the fair maiden in “Average Joe”?

Are you telling me that neither outranked the story of the PeopleSoft board of directors rejecting Oracle’s hostile takeover bid? Apparently not.

Two of Orange County’s three entries on the list involved sports. The AP cited both the Mighty Ducks’ failed run at hockey’s Stanley Cup and Arte Moreno’s purchase of the Anaheim Angels. The third story was the September accident at Disneyland that killed one man and injured 10 others.

Thankfully, if not remarkably, O.C. missed completely any involvement in the killer mudslides, fires or earthquakes that claimed lives late last year. It’s as though the county spent the year in a protective shield from nature’s disasters.

The truth is that most O.C. residents probably are happy to miss a “big stories” list, given that a lot of news is disheartening. Like those folks in small-town America, O.C.ers like the idea that nothing ever happens here, especially if it’s bad.

As a small-towner myself, I share some of that. But as a newspaper guy, I’m a bit resentful. News puts bread on my table.

So ... anyone object to a nice county bankruptcy in 2004?

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Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. He can be reached at (714) 966-7821, at dana.parsons@latimes.com or at The Times’ Orange County edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626.